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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

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Testing Body Armor

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Personal Account:

Since ancient times, man has quested for improved forms of armor to keep himself safe from his more dangerous tools. Typically, what may prevent one type of injury is fairly useless against other threats. In modern times, this has led to ballistic armor that is fairly proof against firearms but not against many other threats.

While I was stationed as a medic with the 10th Mountain Division, we had an incident where two soldiers debated the relative merits of their Interceptor Body Armor. One said that there was no way the armor could stop a round from an AK-47, but not stop a knife. The other argued that the knife would slip right through, since the ceramic of the Small Arms Protective Insert plates inside the armor were not designed for an edged weapon.

After many drinks, our hero decided to test his hypothesis that the armor would stop a knife in a controlled experiment. This was a very bad idea, since he was responsible for the item's safety. If the armor were damaged, he would have to give up more than a month's pay to make up for it. However, our intrepid soldier allowed his friend to test the armor against a vicious thrust from a knife.

Now, surely many ancient armorers tested their armors by striking or firing on the finished product, as can be seen in the small musket ball shaped dents in many suits of plate. However, we presume the armorers who donned the item they were testing did not generally pass on these genes to offspring. By chance, this fatal blend of chromosomes was in our intrepid soldier, who was wearing the armor and was shocked to find that his hypothesis, as well as his lung, were punctured at once. Fortunately, the arrival of emergency medical services saved the taxpayers from paying out his government sponsored life insurance, though it did not save the soldier from a discharge from the service.

Notes:

This story will be difficult to verify. I believe it would qualify as an Honorable Mention. It took place at Fort Drum, New York, between two soldiers of C Company, 1-87 Infantry, 10th Mountain Division. I am afraid the only means of verification I can think of would be the personal accounts of other soldiers from the 10th Mountain Division, as this is probably not the sort of story the press offices and leaders of the Division or unit would like to discuss.

Submitted on 07/08/2007

Submitted by: Carlos Caro
Reference:

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
So these geniuses idea of a "controlled experiment" was to put on the body armor and then see if a knife could go through it? They obviously didn't think about the consequences if (when) their hypotheses proved wrong. Thanks for sharing this, Carlos!


James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks, Carlos! I myself was at Fort Drum this past January (the 10th Mountain Div Band was coming home from Afghanistan ahead of the rest of the troops, and the 42nd Div Band came up from NYC to play them a welcome home). They try and keep the taps tight at Ft. Drum (which is in a very remote corner of NY State and boredom can set in quickly), but it doesn't always work! I MIGHT be able to obtain verification through contacts in the 10th Mountain Div Band, but that may take some time! Nevertheless, this is exactly what modern body armor was NOT designed for! FYI armorers from the horse and musket period did not usually wear newly crafted armor while "proofing" it, but mounted it on a mannequin. Even so, it was tested with a pistol shot, NOT a musket round! Even they knew the limits of their craft!


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