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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Drinking and Biking

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Darwin says, "This was certainly dumb, but it seems like garden variety stupidity, Keith. Thanks for the submission, but I think it will remain one of those tales that earns you free drinks at the local pub."
Activist Jonathan "Jonny Z" Zanin was riding his bike home from an anti-war party/fundraiser at 2:30 in the morning. Having drunken enough alcohol to put himself above the legal limit, he decided to ignore the signs telling him to walk his bike across the pedestrian walkway over the James River.

Unfortunately for Jonny and fortunately for the gene pool, his bike's handlebars hit one of the guardrails on the walkway, flipping his bike and leaving him injured and confused. Perhaps thinking that he was climbing into the roadway, Jonny climbed over the guardrail and fell onto the train tracks some 43 feet below.

Luckily, Zanin was already dead by the time that a CSX freight train hit his body at 4 a.m.

Source: "Zanin's death ruled accident", Richmond Times-Dispatch, June 27, 2007, page B1 Also online: timesdispatch.com

Author's note: While the source doesn't mention the signs requiring you to walk your bicycle, I live right next to the bridge and have seen and disregarded those signs many times myself. I'll provide pictures if necessary.

Submitted on 06/27/2007

Submitted by: Keith H. Webb
Reference: Richmond Times-Dispatch, 27 June 2007

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
I'll go for this one - the image of this guy wobbling across the walkway in his inebriated state then doing a half-gainer over the railing made me chuckle, and the train making sure the job was properly completed is icing on the cake. Thanks, Keith.


Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
Thanks Keith! I got a chuckle out of your story. I appreciate the personal detail you added concerning the sign and the fact that you have ignored them in the past as well. See Johnny wobble. See Johnny fall. See Johnny climb over the rail. See Johnny fall again. See Johnny die.


Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest

Hardback. 304 pages. Autographed.
$15
The human race's most popular humor series returns with a brand-new collection of macabre mishaps and misadventures. Honoring those who improve our gene pool by inadvertently removing themselves from it, the Darwin Awards III shows once more how uncommon common sense still is.

Salute the sheriff who inadvertently shot himself--twice! Witness the insurance defrauder who amputated his leg with a chainsaw! Heed the story of the farmer who avoided bee stings by sealing his head in a plastic bag! Cringe at the man crushed by a branch he'd just severed... directly over his head!

123 new stories, 18 full-page illustrations, plus discussions of transgenic animals, the origin of life, and more.

Autographed by Author!

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