I could tell a hundred stories of the idocy i encountered on a daily basis while i worked on the farm but one that still makes me chuckle today is when my two very kind heart bosses tried their hand at making saussages - harmless you'd think? but these two almost lost their heads trying.

For those of you who have no idea how a saussage machine works, which is probably the vast majority, a saussage machine is a solid metal hollow cilendar. a tube basicly, but a big one like a bazooka. It stands upright and has a tap at the bottom and a tap at the top. The idea is that air is pumped into the bottom tap which pushes up a thick rubber plunger, on top of which is all the meat. The plunger forces the meat up to the top of the heavy metal tube which is sealed with a lid leaving the top tap as the only escape. So the meat comes out in neat little saussage shapes - simple enough.

i woke up one morning and wondered over to the big open garage where i found my two stupid friends with the saussage machine. they had removed the top lid and taken out the plunger to clean it and the inside they said it was all "greacy" inside. so they cleaned it throughly and dried it, then put the plunger back inside. for some reason unbeknown to them the plunder was much harder to get back in, they had to bash it to the bottom with a stick - yeah i know!

to "test" the saussage machine they then attached an air hose to the bottom tap and began to pump air into it under the plunger, they hadnt put the lid back on because they wanted to watch the punger rising up slowly - at this point im sure i must have missed something, as my two stupid bosses stood with their faces peering down into the massive barrel of the saussage machine.

After a few hundred pounds of pressure had been pumped under the plunger it apparently hadnt budged yet, i tried exsplaining that it was obvoiusly stuck because they hadnt lubricated it, but my words fell on deaf monkey ears. They both peered deeper into the saussage machine. Now for some unknown reason God must have decide to spare the lives of these two wallys because just then one of their dogs came running in barking causing them both to look up just a fracton of a second before the whole thing exsploded. The plunger had so much pressure under it that it shot 50 feet straight up smashing through a few lights and the corregated iron roof of the garage, landing in their garden some 30 meters away.

As dush and smoke and liny peices of glass rain down on us i poundered Gods reasons for saving these two, i find it difficult to belive that they have some important destiny to furfil so i belive god just enjoys watching these idiots at work, or purhaps he just didnt want them anywhere near him.

Submitted on 06/18/2007

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: personal account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Laurel and Hardy strike again! Nice story, and it might have made a good cartoon as well!

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I had no idea sausage making could be so hazardous. Thanks for the story!

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