I have a few interesting stories of my father, and of course, the observations of his actions, such as placing barrels of flammable industrial liquid onto two metal beams improperly angled with plywood vaguely supporting it (thankfully, it WAS sturdier than it looked), or the time where he was walking on our mid-renovation deck, walking down a wooden beam that was obviously rotted to pieces (he ended up breaking through, cutting his hand), building a METAL roof without any real safety measures to prevent slipping, not using safety goggles while doing woodworking, improperly securing objects (which is a common routine for him, one time having a metal photocopier cabinet fly OFF of our pickup truck on the FREEWAY [no one was behind us, thank goodness] after telling him that it wasn't secured enough), and of course, the number of times he's done some 'watch this!' moments, which I admit aren't as high calibre as your 'Darwin' entries.

However, I do have one good one for you. A while ago, he stored stuff onto two temporary metal shelves inside our garage, which is actually a two story separate unit that is more like a storage unit than a garage, and the stuff was stored up there haphazardly with him and his forklift. Once something was put up, once it was up there and not moving, he decided that was 'secure enough' (sound familiar?), and left it be.

One of those things, a thirty pound concrete umbrella base for an outdoor table-chair set, was put up there with those huge industrial barrels, and an outdoor lights set that he wanted to get down to do some renovations.

So what did he do? Go and get a ladder to get it up. Now under normal situations, this would be fine. However, due to maneuverability restrictions (the two suspended shelves were spaced out, and to access the side he needed to reach, he had to be in between the two sides), and due to the height of the shelf, he decided to step halfway up, and use his long metal hook to grab the box, and bring it down.

Well, so far so good. He got it mostly unwedged...until he could see something green about to fall down.

You guessed it, the concrete umbrella stand.

According to my dad, he thought "bad idea" or something along the lines of that, refering to the umbrella stand. It ended up falling, and somehow just glancing his head on its way down, causing some pretty severe scalp bleeding.

Me, blissfully unaware of this whole scenario unfolding, suddenly jumped to my dad rushing into the house to have me call 911. Soon, the paramedics arrived, and took a look at his head. When they asked him if his neck felt okay, he immediately went to roll his head around, saying "Yep!" while giving me and the paramedics a heart attack.

So twice in one day, my dad could have Darwined himself; once for that concrete, and the other for possibly severing his spinal cord from an unknown injury. Ironically, this wasn't the end of the story; later in the same day he was grabbing something out of the freezer. He ended up dropping something as he was looking, so he leaned forward. He didn't notice the freezer door closing, then as he got up, the corner of the door hit the fresh wound from the concrete stand, and reopened it, shooting blood into the ceiling, and forcing him to put his head under water again. Needless to say, it taught him a lesson.

Mind you, with his usual antics, and some of the other royally stupid stuff he's done (there's worse than even this), maybe not.

[Writer's note: I may add updates to this PA. Is there a way I can do this?]

Submitted on 06/08/2007

Submitted by: James
Reference: Personal Account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
James, your father certainly has his moments! A very funny and well-told PA which I'm sure will amuse the readers! Hell, it could have made a fine cartoon short as is! As for updates, you can just send them in as they happen, or send us an updated version (which we will send to Darwin)! Thanks!

Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks for the great story, James! I hope he doesn't forget the lessons he learned that day, but if he does be sure to let us know what other trouble he manages to get himself into.

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