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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Roll Bounce

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

here's my go at faultless wry prose

"Gary Williams Sr. fell from this earthly realm on May 23rd as a result of injuries sustained during a ill-advised flight from police. West Memphis Police responded to a Domestic Battery call in the city late in the evening Wednesay. After arriving on the scene and taking a statement from the victim and witnesses, Officers spotted Williams in a van matching the description given to them. As they approached the vehicle to question him, Williams took off like a jet, leading police on a high speed pursuit for several minutes. Police attempted end the chase using stop sticks, and several officers narrowly avoided being struck by Williams as he attempted to avoid them. Eventually, Williams van was pinned in between a police car on the driver's side, and the concrete barrier on I-55 East just before the Memphis bridge.

Williams climbed across the passenger seat, perched in the passenger window, and despite officer's repeated, emphatic instructions to stay in the vehicle, hurtled the concrete barrier to make his escape.

Unfortunately, it was a cloudy, moonless night and Williams did not see that the particular section of Interstate that he was on was elevated approximately sixty feet over the flood relief plains below. When officers worked their way down to where Williams took his a aerial caper, they found that he had died as a result of the lengthy drop. Police also later determined that Williams was not involved in the original Domestic Battery. Williams was on parole at the time of his death and believe that he ran because of several misdemeanor warrants." -end

Here's the link directly to the story, although I think it will expire by next week.

http://www.theeveningtimes.com/articles/2007/05/25/news/news2.txt

The parts of this story that I filled in are related in the offense reports obtainable from West Memphis Police department, and Crittenden County Sheriff's Office, as well as verbal communication with officers involved in the chase and investigation. I am privvy to this information because I was...his parole officer. I'm still a parole officer, but as of May 23rd he's no longer required to report in to see me.

Submitted on 06/04/2007

Submitted by: Kyle
Reference: The Evening Times 5/25/07

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
Running from the cops is just plain stupid, and trying to continue running after being cornered by them is even dumber. Even if it was foggy he should have been aware enough of his surroundings to know that such a jump was a risk. Thanks for sending this in, Kyle.


James said:
Definitely Keep: Darwin Award
Usually I would categorize this as "too common" (the ol' "fleeing the law" gag), but what compels me to consider it is not so much the stupidity (I still maintain such incidents are motivated by desperation rather than stupidity) but the original write-up! Thanks, Kyle! Nice job!


Darwin Awards II: Unnatural Selection

Hardback. 240 pages. Autographed.
$15
A fresh collection of magnificent misadventures! Lust, Vanity, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Envy, and Wrath extract an evolutionary toll on the wicked. Salute the owner of an equipment training school who demonstrates the dangers of driving a forklift by failing to survive the filming of his own safety video. Witness the man who becomes a victim of his own strange passion for jumping into rivers. Heed the honest bricklayer who loses a battle of wits with 300 pounds of tools.

This book includes more History of the Awards, Gordon's Law, and 10 discussions of evolution, including speciation and the role of verbal memes in civilization.

Autographed by Author!

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