The opening scene is me and my friends sitting on the curb on the day after the Fourth of July one year. We still had fireworks left, and we all had lighters. First, it was lighting fireworks, then it graduated to throwing firecrackers at eachother.

The firecrackers did hurt, but not enough. That's when I got the absolutely brilliant idea to play tag with our lighters and cans of Axe body spray. It was all fun and games... until yours truely had caught on fire. It started out by my pants catching, then the rest of me followed.

My friends just laughed at me when I caught on fire, and THEN they decided to hose me off.

Once I was hosed off, I found out that I was completely naked. In other words, my clothes were burned off!!!

When I went to the doctor, I figured out that I had third degree burns to my head, chest, arms, and legs. But, amazingly, I only had second degree burns to my genitalia and anus. When I was done getting my "wounds" attended to, I went home to my parents, who yelled at me for a good two hours before telling me that I had to pay the $1500 medical bill.

Lesson learned: I absoulutely MUST NOT contribute to the gene pool!!!

Submitted on 05/01/2007

Submitted by: Matt
Reference: Personal Account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
We recently received a story about some jamoke whot got burned while cleaning his car interior with that body spray (whatever happened to good ol' cologne anyway?)! This is a pretty damn funny story, Matt, and well-written at that! Were you using that explosive spray as a flamethrower? Gadzooks! :-) A keeper!

Jack said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I'll go for a neutral, but - for some reason - this story just doesn't

Graham said:
Maybe Toss: Too Common
Prometheus must be rolling in his grave. Amazing that humans, when left alone with fire, invariably set fire to themselves (or the nearest person to them). Shouldn't all aerosol deodorants be non-flammable by now? Thanks, Matt.

Chip said:
Definitely Toss: Other
Thanks for sending this Matt, but I have some doubts. The 1st clue is that "one year on the 4th" but Axe was the product used. Axe just has not been around that long. 2nd clue is that your clothes were burned off and you were naked. Doubtful that you would still be standing if the fire lasted long enough for the clothes to be burned. 3rd clue is the 3rd degree burns which are extremely severe and that extensive amount head, chest, arms, and legs would generally put a person in the hospital with life-threatening injuries and result in skin grafts, etc. You would not just go home with a bill of $1,500.00. According to a medical dictionary: A severe burn in which the skin and underlying tissues are destroyed and nerve endings are exposed. 4th clue was the second degree burn to your anus. The anus is well protected by your cheeks. To provide blistering to that area, either you were intentional spreading your cheeks or you are dead. I can't buy this one but thanks for sending it.

Fitzroy said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I'm definitely skeptical of the facts here. However, Personal Accounts are presented "as is" -- publication is not an endorsement of any truth beyond that some person related that account. Spray scents are increasingly common, so the safety message is timely. If not total fiction, the story was clearly heavily embellished. Yet it is an interesting example of the anecdotes people share when discussions drift into Darwin Awards territory.

The Darwin Awards Gift Shop

The Darwin Awards Condom Keep yourself out of the gene pool! A condom in a matchbook, useful for emergency contraception, bachelor parties, frat parties, and important rites of passage. LOADED inside and out with funny quotes and stories. Everyone loves this item! Friends don't let friends reproduce! $13 for Pack of 4