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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Button Fly Boy

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Darwin says, "Ha ha, cute ending comment! Thanks for the submission. What is this, the month a class was assigned to write Persona Accounts?! Lots of entertaining and well written stories are in the Slush Pile in April."
Here is a personal account of a young man and his mishap. I know the story is true as I was there to witness the aftermath of his stupidity. We have all heard about zipping up your member in your Jeans but Rob took it one step further.

(2005, Toronto) Nineteen year old Rob got a phone call from a friend to go with him and hang out at the Zoo. They decided to bring Alcohol with them to “tie one on" before going out that night.

The day progressed as any would after drinking and walking around the Toronto Zoo. Rob and his friend end up at the monkey exhibit. Rob, after a few drinks and watching the monkeys playing with each other (in a sexual way) decides that he has to go to the washroom.

Hears where it gets interesting. After Rob relieves himself he pulls up his underwear and starts to button up his jeans. He forgot to tuck his member into the underwear and proceed to button up his member into the Jeans. Zipping up your member is one of the most painful things I have ever heard of but buttoning it up?? What is worse was that the part of the button where it attaches together "pinched" the skin of the head of his member and he could not get it out.

After much moaning and crying, the skin finally worked its way out of the button. Rob returned to my apartment to pass out on my bed as he was so sick from the pain.

I took a look and the bruise that came up was quite spectacular. I told him that he should go to the doctor to make sure that he was alright but he didn’t

Rob on the other hand did not have sex for quite some time after the accident. And my reply to the whole thing

"Rob Hon thank god your Gay cuz anyone that stupid to button his own member up in his button fly pants does not deserve to breed"

Neale Barber

Toronto ONT

Submitted on 04/27/2007

Submitted by: Neale A Barber
Reference: Personal Account august 2005

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks for a very amusing (and dare I say *PAINFUL*) personal account! Whether or not he hasdsex is almost irrelevant, as I'm sure it hurt 24/7 for some time! Painful enough to share with the readers!


Bruce said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I'm sure any guy who reads this will cringe at the thought of what Rob suffered through. Thanks, Neale!


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