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Roller Coasted
(?)Holy -blam!- the garage is on fire!
(DA)Stolen Police Car
(DA)Out of Air
(HM)Shattering Stone : Broken Ego
How NOT to use a flare
Drunk Aerobatics
Meat Cleaver in Robber's Trousers
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The air in here
Boy hits overpass with head
True Love at Its Worst
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Slippery Ending
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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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How NOT to use a flare

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I grew up around boats, and from an early age safety was drilled into my head. As an adult I joined the US Coast Guard Auxiliary, an all-volunteer branch of the US Coast Guard. Being a branch of the USCG, members of the Auxiliary undergo training similar to their active-duty counterparts. In order to qualify as crew on board a boat you must learn the Coast Guard way of doing everything from tying a knot in a line to putting out fires and rescuing people in the water.

Occasionally the Coast Guard stages large-scale training exercises involving both active-duty and Auxiliary members. These exercises can last multiple days and involve a number of simulated accidents that boat crews must respond to. At one point during one of these training exercises in Long Island Sound a few years back an Auxiliary crew member was instructed to light a hand-held signal flare. The crew member was familiar with the flares, having practiced with them previously on shore. The signal flares are very similar to the flares you might see used by police and rescue workers. They are about the size of a stick of dynamite which, when struck on one end, ignites a burnable metal (usually magnesium). The flares are encased in a protective shell, allowing you safely hold them in your hands, but you must hold them at an angle over the side of the boat as pieces of the burning metal tend to drip from the end of the flare. Our hero, having been properly taught how to ignite and hold the flare did exactly as he had been trained. He ignited a flare and held it at arms length over the side of the boat. Almost as soon as he did so, however, the crews of other nearby boats started screaming at him to throw the flare into the water.

After disposing of the flare the other boat crews calmed down enough to point out that our hero had almost made a fatal mistake by not being fully aware of his surroundings. True he was holding the flare over the side of the boat so that any burning metal that dripped from it wouldn't end up in the boat. But what he didn't realize was that he had been holding the flare directly over a plastic jerry can full of gasoline lashed to a platform on the stern of the boat.

Submitted on 04/24/2007

Submitted by: Bruce
Reference: personal account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Nice one, Bruce! As a former Line Officer in the Naval Reserve, I have a soft spot for "sea stories"...even from our illustrious "bathtub navy"! My guess is that this kid was probably anxious and just plain forgot to look over the rail. Given what COULD have happened, however, there is no excuse for even a modicum of stupidity, and thus I will keep this as a PA! Keep 'em coming, I know you have more! :-)


Bruce said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I like it because it's my submission! (And no, the unnamed crewmember was NOT me!) I'll let the other mods decide on it.


Chip said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Good one Bruce. Very close to becoming Things that go BOOM! in the night. I like it.


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