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2007 March Slush
(?)Armed Robbery the German Way
(PA)Point Blank
(HM)World's Fastest Cop
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Darwin Awards
2007 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

World's Fastest Cop

2007 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Darwin says, "Accepted into the Archive (near miss)."
ORIGINAL SUBMISSION:

Canadian winter nights are long and usually quiet, except for one night Constable Morgan responded to a drunk driver call. Morgan caught up to the errant driver, falling in behind in order to establish the commission of the crime. In a rather short distance, however, the driver missed a curve and slid into a snowbank along the edge of the road. Morgan switched on his lights, stopped his patrol unit, got out and approached the driver's door. The driver, seeing the approaching constable, decided to flee. The tires, mired in the deep snow, spun wildly, but the car, as expected, went nowhere.

Constable Morgan, deciding to have a little fun, began running in place alongside the driver's window. The driver was surprised to see the Constable keeping up with his car, even though the speedometer was indicating a speed of 100 kph (60 mph). Constable Morgan broke the driver's side window glass with his flashlight and verbally ordered the driver to "pull over!" The driver's response was to jam the pedal to the floor. Now, the car's speedometer was indicating 175 kph (110 mph). Looking over, he was astonished to see the Constable jogging comfortably along, still ordering the driver to stop. Finally, apparently convinced he was never going to outrun the apparently fleet-footed officer, went through the motions of letting off the gas, turning the wheel and bringing his car to a "stop."

Morgan removed the drunk and effected the arrest, charging the man with DWI, speeding, and failing to yield to a policeman.

Morgan escorted the man to his patrol vehicle, which had magically followed the two on their mad dash across the snow-covered tundra.

Brought before the judge for arraignment, the man paid a high tribute before His Honor, saluting the incredible athletic prowess of the local officers.

Submitted on 03/02/2007

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Canadian L.E. Bulletin, Feb 05

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

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>> Moderator Scores <<

James said:
Maybe Toss: Other
While this is certainly funny and worthy of Dudley Do-Right, there really isn't any Darwinian stupidity here...just a drunk seeing pink elephants and a cop with a warped sense of humor! DEFINITELY send this to "DumbCrooks.com"! It's funny as hell! I just wish we could use it...!


Graham said:
Maybe Toss: Other
Great story - shame about the trumped up charges, though.


Chip said:
Neutral: Personal Account
This one seems so familiar but after much searching I cannot find a reference anywhere. I will pass this one along as a Personal Account. Very humorous but I fear unlikely. Thanks for the story.


Chip said:
Neutral: Urban Legend
After much searching I found this one on the Snopes.com Urban Legend page. No determination was made to its veracity but it appears to have been around a very long time. Thanks for the story.


Tracy said:
Neutral: Urban Legend
It's a good story - but looks like it's an urban myth : http://www.snopes.com/autos/law/outrun.asp


Bruce said:
Neutral: Urban Legend
Without some sort of verification I also think this sounds too much like the urban legend that Chip and Tracy pointed out.


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