As this tale of woe came to me from my mother, I’m not allowed to question its veracity.

A guy I went to school with, from preschool to high school, has difficulty learning despite plentiful negative reinforcement. Chris’s last escapade that I have heard of involves his brilliant scheme to burgle a hermit’s house deep in the woods.

Chris probably figured that he had learned enough from the mistakes he made robbing the maintenance shed at the cemetery and some unfortunate migrant workers.

Chris, somehow, managed to rob the hermit and stash the goods until he could sell them. The hermit, however, managed to solve the crime and track Chris down and “interrogate” him in the best way an anti-social hermit knows how. Chris apparently lost a few teeth, was kidnapped, and tied to a tree outside the hermit’s home for a few days until he finally confessed as to where he had hidden the hermit’s possessions. After the hermit retrieved the goods he released Chris.

As neither party wanted another felony strike on their record, no charges were filled for either the burglary or the assault/kidnapping.

Submitted on 01/18/2007

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Personal Account

Copyright © 2007 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Even as a PA, this one is more suited for "dumbcrooks.com" than here. Nevertheless, your mother's esteemed classmate sure showed the "right stuff", and since it is a PA, we might as well let it float. In theory, he COULD have come to a grave end in the hermit's lair!

Graham said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Not that I approve of vigilantes, but some of this hermit's Instant Justice would be handy for many of today's cerebrally challenged teen felons. The story however IS one of breaking the law and therefore disqualified.

Jack said:
Definitely Toss: Not Amusing
Your friend was quite fortunate. Some of the recluses of my generation (Vietnam) might have made him "disappear." Not amusing.

Chip said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Slightly amusing, especially the tied to a tree part. Thanks for the story.

Shadow said:
Neutral: Personal Account
very lucky that he didnt end up "Hermit surprise"

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