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Darwin Awards
2006 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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Ex-jailbird Can't Fly

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Ten years ago I used to work for an Irishman who owned a bar in Bristol, Rhode Island. His girlfriend was studying law at Roger Williams University at the time. She had gone to law school in an attempt to free her brother from jail after he was convicted of murder over 20 years ago. Through hard work and perseverance, the girlfriend made it through law school and proceeded to pursue her brother's innocence. Several years ago, largely due to her efforts, he was exonerated and freed from jail on the basis of DNA evidence. Fortunately this fellow had been imprisoned when he was a young man and had not yet reproduced. Upon his release, now many pounds and years older (certainly not wiser), he was looking forward to a lawsuit that would generate millions for him as a result of his wrongful incarceration. To celebrate his release, and the anticipatory millions, he decided to get stupid, stinking drunk. When he was sufficiently inebriated and barely able to stand, he decided (in the infinite wisdom utilized by Darwin Awards winners) that it would be a supremely brilliant idea to climb along the top brace of a six-feet high stockade fence. Picture, if you will, a large, drunk, tattooed ex-con attempting to perform footwork on a piece of wood 1 1/2 inches wide. Difficult even for an Olympic gymnast, I would surmise, virtually impossible for this exonerated jailbird (kind of makes you wonder how he managed to climb up there in the first place). He was certainly not lighter than a feather when he fell from the fence, landing upon the roadway on his head. I guess he ended up with the death sentence after all.

Submitted on 11/01/2006

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Several Years Ago - Personal

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

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James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
This is both ironic and funny! I think the readers ought to see it! I just feel bad for the mook's sister who did all of that hard work for nothing!!

Graham said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
20 years inside and then tops himself in a fit of pique. Amazing. Yet again, our old friend and mentor, Al. K. Hall ....

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