We immediately called the Highway Patrol and asked them to patrol the roads we thought he would be taking, looking for a car off the road with a dead guy in it. I then started calling trying to find a supply of the correct anti-venin. After a long time on the phone, I was informed that there were only four places in the US where such anti-venin was maintained. The Seattle Zoo, the San Francisco Zoo, the National Zoo in Washington DC, and the Columbia Zoo in South Carolina. The Columbia Zoo was between the bite victim’s home and our hospital. He would have to drive past the zoo on the way to our facility (bad life decision #4).

We again called the Highway Patrol, had them send a unit to the Columbia Zoo to get the anti-venin and transport it to our facility. It took over an hour for the Highway Patrol to arrive, and still no patient. We had not had any report that he had been found dead on the side of the road.

Two hours later, someone saunters in and announces that he is our bite victim. A quick assessment showed fang marks on his hand, but none of the signs and symptoms of the venom. He said he owned a young snake, which are notorious for not being able to fully control how much venom they inject. It’s usually all, or none. I this fellow’s case, he was much luckier than he was smart. All we had to do was update his tetanus shot and send him home.

HOWEVER, the states Department of Natural Resources, The Fish and Game Department, the Highway Patrol, and his local police department all wanted to have conversations with him about keeping unlicensed, illegally imported and highly dangerous animals in his apartment.

Submitted on 10/17/2006

Submitted by: Bill Ferris
Reference: Personal Knowledge

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks, Bill! I got a good laugh out of this story. Sending the cops on a wild goose chase after this jamoke only adds to the humor. I'll keep this one as a PA!

Jorge said:
Neutral: Personal Account

Graham said:
Neutral: Personal Account
He's one lucky guy! The Gaboon viper is legendary. Apart from vicious venom, this viper has the longest fangs on record, up to 4" long! Yes, they WILL penetrate leather boots. I have seen these adult snakes up close and personal. They are large, vicious and deadly. Sometimes known as 'leaf' vipers' as they hide in foliage. Few bite victims survive as there is no readily-available antivenom to this snake. He escaped THIS time, but next time, he'll get his DA guaranteed.

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