Anyways a freind of mine had called before I left for classes, and I had my first chance to call back, so I did... On my cellphone. As I spoke on the cellphone I walked out front and unlocked by biscycle. You can probably already see where this is going. Actualy I am quite good at bikeing one handed. I got about half way back home before I had to stop. Now my right hand brake sucks eggs (It's bent out of shape from when my bike refused to settle on it's kickstand and hit the pavement hard.), and I almost hit the car, so I switched to holding the cellphone in my right hand and my left hand using the better brake. BTW the right brake stops the rear wheel, the left brake the front. I got then about 2/3rds of the total distance back home when a small animal darted out in front of the bike. Forgetting Newtan's third law I braked. My bike attmepted to flip over, and failed only due to lack of mementum, only problem was that there was enough of a momentem to bring my testicle into contact with the post of the bike to which the handle bars are attached.

Normaly I could have stoped that, but one hand was holding onto a cellphone, not the other brake/handlebar. Normaly I can strong-arm it. With one hand I was only half sucessful... My right testicle impacted. Then the rest of the right side of my crotch impacted. It impacted with enough force to burst one of the bloodvessles in my scrotem leading to some minor bleeding. Not that I noticed. So I biked back home the rest of the way, and noticed an odd wet feeling in my underwear. When I got home, my mother (Yes I still live with my parents. I'm only 18 and the collage I am going to is in town and it's cheeper then a dorm.) has me do about a hundred and one little tasks even though I try to desperatly explain to her, without turning a shade of cherry red, that I needed to check my testicles and why.

She thought I was trying to be lazy. When I finaly have some freetime I check, and find that there is blood down there... a bad sign I'm sure. Now the doctor is supposed to call me back to ask me about what is going on, but I don't know if there is anything realy wrong or not... or how lucky I am.

I certainly don't feel lucky.

My mother might be a better darwin resource then I am, since I'm her only son, and she seems determined to litteraly kill me with little tasks like that. There are other situations where I have seriously injured myself and she has reacted the same way.

Submitted on 09/05/2006

Submitted by: David F.
Reference: Personal Experence Sep 05 2006

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

Sheryl said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Thanks for the story, David. I'm prepared to let this one through. While you have no control over the ADD, the combination of knowing the pills had worn off, the bicycle and the cellphone are enough to tip me over the edge into giving the readers a chance to see this.

Fitzroy said:
Neutral: Personal Account
So many little things take this up from humdrum to viable in my opinion. Taking those risks in traffic and then suffering genital injury away from traffic -- either could be part of an Honorable Mention, so both together turn this cycling misadventure into something a cut above the norm.

James said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I do feel very sorry for what you went through, David (including your mother's not wanting to hear about your "injury" until the chores are done)! You had one of those momentary lapses in judgement which just snowballed! Funny enough for the readership,methinks!

Jorge said:
Maybe Toss: Not Amusing

Graham said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
The ADD is the saving grace here - it can drive you nuts. Literally. It all makes for an interesting mental image though. Funny, car drivers think they can so the same thing, i.e. drive while talking on a cell phone. Most are DAs just waiting to happen.

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