This story involved 2 air force sergeants, one other military person whose rank escapes me, and 4 others. They were all in a van together, traveling back home after a long day's competition.

Enter Jason D. Moronic, a young, monumentally stupid man in need of a car. Badly in need of a car. So badly, in fact, that he was determined to carjack whatever vehicle was handy at a lonely gas station in the middle of the night. Having lain in wait for his soon-to-joyride for a while, he spotted a likely-looking van, walked up, opened the driver's door, and began the process of pulling the driver out.

His number-one mistake: he either didn't read the letters emblazoned in eight-inch type on the sides of the chosen joyride, or he didn't care. Otherwise, he might have had second thoughts about attacking the official van of the Fort Walton Beach Judo Club.

His number-two mistake: trying to punch the driver after the latter slammed him in a wristlock.

His number-three mistake: just living and being THAT DAMN STUPID.

Seeing the driver, also the judo instructor, engaged in an unfriendly handshake, the 6 students bailed, came around to the driver's side, and began the process of Admonishing the Sinner, Reading Him From the Good Book, and, in short, they went Ides of March on his butt. The carjacker, seriously damaged, was crying by the end, and was clinging to the cop car and thanking the police by the time they arrived. Never have the cops carted off an arrestee more willing to be relocated to the clink, via the hospital.

This unfortunately does not qualify as a Darwin, or even an Honorable Mention, as the attacker in question survived with his reproductive abilities more or less intact. His ego, however, did not survive the subsequent publication in the Northwest Florida Daily News.

Submitted on 08/03/2006

Submitted by: Faye Williams
Reference: NW Florida Daily News

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Neutral: Other
A dumb crook story in the end, but highly amusing and with just a touch of stupidity! I'll vote neutral/other since it doesn't seem to qualify for an award but may be amusing to our readers!

Fitzroy said:
Definitely Keep: Honorable Mention
I don't know, this might indeed be an Honorable Mention. Stupid crook stories are not suitable in general, but the nuances of this particular stupidity seem to skew toward the central theme of this project. It seems to me a lot like the copper wire thief electrocutions, except that we don't get accounts of dozens of incidents like this one in any given year.

Sheryl said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks, Faye. I liked this and I loved the write-up. True, it's a dumb crook story but a crook who can't read the lettering on the side of a van? The robber who held up the gun shop with a knife got through ... I don't see why the readers shouldn't see this one as well.

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