One day I noticed that whenever we were riding our bikes around town, he seemed to swerve all over the place. Or he would veer to one side of the street for a long space and not correct it until the last instant before hitting something, or the curb. I couln't figure out why he rode so funny. It seemed like he was riding his bike with his eyes closed.

One day I was riding in front and looked behind me at him and sure enough, EYES CLOSED. Not for just a couple seconds, but like 10 or so seconds at a time.

Me: Why do you close your eyes when you're on your bike? Him: I'm praying. Me: So, why are your eyes closed when you're riding your bike, then? Him: You have to close your eyes when you pray. Me: That's retarded. Him: The prophets said that we should pray continually. Me: So what you're saying is that we don't have to use any common sense? Just go ahead and close your eyes when you're riding around? You're going to crash or get hit by a car. Him: God will protect me. Me: God's not going to protect you if you're being an idiot. Him: God will protect me because I have kept all the rules and am wearing my garments. Me: You're going to get hurt, and I won't feel bad because you're an idiot.

Somehow, he never crashed while we were together. He did have a ton of close calls though. A month after we had moved on to other areas, the MP stood up in the monthly Zone Conference and held up Elder _____'s blooded white shirt saying that we all need to be more careful while riding out bikes.

That shirt was mostly blood. The shirt had a big hole, and it looked like he slid for a while when he wrecked because there was a part completely worn off.

Surprisingly, the garments didn't protect him from the pavement. Surprisingly, God didn't see a need to protect him while he was riding his bike with his eyes closed.

For some reason I felt so vindicated! There was not one ounce of feeling bad for him. He was the hardest person to be with and my prophsey had come true!

Submitted on 06/04/2006

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Personal account

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Neutral: Personal Account
A PA of a different sort here! While the bit about Divine protection is of course debatable, there is no question that riding a bike for any distance with one's eyes closed is NOT in keeping with common sense and WILL inevitably result in disaster! The fellow displayed all of the necessary arrogance, and for that reason alone I will grant this one PA status! :-)

Greg said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Well written and an amusing tale - I'll keep it as a PA, like James says - not HM because we can't verify. Thanks for the time in submitting a good story amidst all these darned ballooning repeats!! ;-)

Jorge said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account

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