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Darwin Awards
2006 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Dumb, drunk soldier

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Unfortunately I don't have media reference to back this up, but it was told to me by my lieutenant and was passed to him by the former SGM where I am stationed. A few years back there were a group of soldiers whom were drinking and having a good time on the third story of some barracks here. One of the individuals decided to rappell out of the window. Most military personel are trained to rapell and also do it recreationally. Allow me to explain rapelling to those not familiar with it, with either a specially crafted harness or one tied out of rope (called a Swiss seat), and a D-ring is attached and a rope is looped through. This seat is around the waist and down the crotch and back up over the buttocks, with the Jewels in a very delicate position in between the rope. As a control measure the military will typically employ a Balley (I probally mispelled that) man whose job it is to tug down on the rapell rope if a jumper looses control and begins to fall. If you hold the rope tight, then it puts to much friction on the D-ring and stops you from plumetting 100 ft and bouncing off the side of a rapell tower. Also it is required that you wear a helmet, and gloves to protect your hands from rope burn.

This genius decided that, with the help of a healthy dose of liquid courage, he was going to rapell. With no rope, he decided that 550 cord would suffice. 550 cord is very strong, and thin, around the size of electrical cord. It's what they use to attach a parachute to the harness. He tied his Swiss seat out of this and tied off another piece to something sturdy and threw the other end out the window. Well as it turned out the cord wasn't long enough. At the encouragement of his drunk buddies he leaned backwards out the window as they taunted him telling him he wouldn't do it. He went. The burn from the cord severed the 4 fingers of his right hand and the thumb of his left. Another thing that is important about using a swiss seat is that it is very, very snug. 550 cor, also known as type 3 nylon, has alot of play in it. The seat clenched down and severed his testicles (and although unknown by the person telling me this story) likely his penis as well. With no Bellay man he had let go of the cord and fell. He wasn't killed but he did remove hisself from the gene pool.

Please withold my name and information, thank you!

Submitted on 05/25/2006

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference:

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
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>> Moderator Scores <<

James said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Thanks for the submission! Yes, I've done rappelling too (though when I was in the navy. Army bands don't do too much rappelling! :-), and fully appreciate the pressure of a Swiss Seat on one's vulnerables! Because this is a third hand PA, I'll wager there's a bit of exaggeration, but I believe it and I like it! Therefore, I vote to keep it and share it with the readers!

Greg said:
Neutral: Personal Account

Jorge said:
Definitely Toss: Too Common

Fitzroy said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
If everything went down like that (including the loss of fertility) and the event made the press I could see how this could be a proper Darwin Award. As is, I see it as a better than average Personal Account. Thanks for the submission.

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Ouch! I have enough time on the ropes that I can appreciate this. It's totally believeable.

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