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Darwin Awards
2006 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

S#*t Happens!

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

My brother got married on Saturday, May 20, 2006. During the course of his reception, a guest named Phil rendered himself so inebriated that he mistakenly bypassed the men's room and went into the next door (the kitchen). In a drunken state, he mistook three side-by-side standing freezers for bathroom stalls. He proceeded to lock himself in the freezer, drop trau, do his business, and pass out in his own feces. The freezers were turned on (set for about 30 degrees F) and unable to be opened from the inside. Luckily, the caretaker of the grounds noticed him go in but not come out and alerted my husband and father, who got him out of there post haste, reeking of "natural by-products". The best part is, after being removed from the freezer and trying to get his bearings, he attempted to rejoin the reception in progress! Since Phil did not die by running out of air or freezing his own butt solid or succumbing to his own stench, this doesn't technically qualify for the Darwin Award. However, the level of stupidity needed to attempt this maneuver and the laugh factor when people hear the story made me think it was worth an honorable mention. I also later found out that Phil is still a virgin (big surprise), which just would've added that final tweak to the obituary.

Submitted on 05/24/2006

Submitted by: Melody Gardner
Reference: May 20, 2006

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
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>> Moderator Scores <<

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks, Melody! This is the first time I've ever heard of THIS sort of thing happening! This fellow "Phil" certainly has the potential for Darwinian greatness! Meanwhile, I think the readers should participate in this PA! Good write-up! :-)

Greg said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Hmmmm... he must've been very very drunk. But I'll give it a Neutral. :-)

Jorge said:
Maybe Toss: Too Common

Fitzroy said:
Maybe Toss: Other
This just doesn't click for me. Drunks pass out in strange places all the time, but a locked freezer would be remarkable (speaking of which, just how common outside of television is it that walk-in freezers lack internal overrides on locks?) It does have comedy value, and an attempted return to the party is a nice blend of shamelessness with prior stupidity. I wish I could better explain my intuition on this. In any case, it isn't way off the mark, and the submission is appreciated.

Jack said:
Maybe Toss: Other
For some reason, this really sounds more like a urban legend.

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