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Darwin Awards
2006 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Bike Tricks

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I am fourteen years old, and as such I enjoy skiing, biking, etc. It recently was warm enough for me to take my bike out for the first time this year, and I joyfully pulled it out, pumped it up, and biked to the library to meet a friend.

Now, this wasn't just any old bike. This bike was new--I got it at the end of the summer last year, and didn't get to ride it much. And it has twenty-four gears. But most imprtantly of all, it's an ADULT bike. No more little kiddy bikes for me, no sir! I was really proud of my bike, and after taking off my helmet and flopping down on the grass outside of the library, next to my friend, I was only too glad to talk about biking and how great my bike was, etc. One thing led to another, and I soon found myself telling her why you're not supposed to hit the front brake--you'll flip off your bike. Now, I know that at fourteen I am too young to get any awards, but I've been biking for as long as I can remember, and I know how to deal with a bike. My parents have always told me never to hit my front brake, and I've taken their word for it--I've never used it. But this day, for some reason, I felt obliged to demonstrate. Part of it was showing off. But I was also curious. After all, I knew what I was doing. I wouldn’t hit it hard enough to flip off, just to be jerked forward slightly. I should have known better. I stood up, picked my bike up, and did a small circle to get a bit of speed. The observant reader may have noticed that I wasn't wearing a helmet at this point. I braked slightly ahead of time, so I wasn't moving very fast. But I didn't take into account how sensitive my front brake was. I hit it--and was bucked over the handlebars, with my bike following. Fortunately, my bike wasn't hurt. And I was wearing a jacket, because it was still slightly chilly out. I fell as perfectly as I could have wished. I landed on the flats of my arms and rolled slightly, coming up with a skinned elbow and a slightly pulled muscle. much either. The reflector came off, but that's all. To add insult to injury, there are large windows at the library, with chairs near them. One of the people sitting by the window watched the whole thing (probably thinking "stupid kid") and came out minutes later. I, red with embarrassment, said that I was fine. He looked at me slightly oddly, but, thankfully, didn't ask any more questions. As soon as I collected myself and sat down, I had to deal with the next question--what was I going to tell my parents? I could imagine their anger if they found out how stupid I had been. Wincing, I came up with a story about falling when biking home, on a street with not many cars and not many people. Fortunately, they believed me and didn't ask too many questions.

And I am never going to use my front brake again.

Submitted on 05/13/2006

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: Personal Account, 5/13/06

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
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>> Moderator Scores <<

James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Damn, kid, at 14 you write better than many folks twenty years your senior! Since yours is a PA, we can include it, and since your write up made me chuckle, I'll vote to keep it! I'll wager the girl you were trying to impress probably had a good laugh at your expense...ah, youth...! :-)


Jorge said:
Definitely Toss: Other


Sheryl said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thanks for the story. I was tempted to toss this but having re-read it (including the bit about being told never to use your front brakes), I decided to let it through. The writing style is excellent, too.


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