"As reported by Demian Bulwa in This Very Newspaper, a resident of Hayward named Michael Urbano returned to the place where he was staying at 2:30 in the morning after an evening of convivial behavior. He discovered that he was locked out. We have all had this experience at one time or another, but few of us think as creatively as Michael Urbano. Urbano decided to rappel down the inside of the chimney, using a cable television wire.

He decided to take off his clothes to make the effort. Perhaps he wanted to avoid snagging his pocket on a protruding brick, although one would think ... it doesn't matter what one would think. Naked is how he chose to do it. It is pretty cold in the middle of the night in April in Hayward, but context suggests that he had an inner glow sufficient unto his needs.

Naturally, he got stuck. It's not a straight shot from the top of the chimney to the bottom of the fireplace. There's a spark-slowing bend. This feature of chimney construction is not exactly a secret, but the legend of Kriss Kringle has a profound grip on the American imagination.

Urbano did what anyone would do -- he screamed, "Help!" Police and firefighters were called and eventually traced the source of the now weakening calls. After some strategizing, one person lay on his back on the fireplace and pushed with his legs; another hung by his ankles in the chimney and reached with his hands. It was a low-tech solution, but it worked. Soon, a sooty and naked person stood on a suburban roof and expressed relief." Jon Carroll, Sfgate.com 4-26-06

Original Story:

HAYWARD Naked man gets stuck in chimney - originally written by Demian Bulwa, Chronicle Staff Writer Monday, April 24, 2006

Locked out of his stepmother's home, a 23-year-old man tried to slide down the chimney like St. Nick, except without any presents -- or clothes.

Or success, according to police, who weren't in a festive mood after they spent an hour pushing the naked man back up early Saturday.

Michael Urbano, who made it 75 percent of the way down the single-story home's chimney, was treated for minor injuries and arrested on suspicion of being high on drugs, Hayward police Lt. Gary Branson said Sunday.

It all began at about 2:30 a.m. Saturday, Branson said, when Urbano returned from bar-hopping to the Cliffwood Avenue house where he was staying. No one was home, and he didn't have a key, so he climbed to the roof.

What happened next offers a cautionary tale for burglars and an homage to the unblemished career of Kriss Kringle.

Urbano disconnected a cable-television wire on the roof, then disrobed -- he claimed his clothes would have impeded his descent -- and began rappelling down the chimney, Branson said.

The cable snapped, sending Urbano into a free fall until he got wedged inside the chimney, where he stayed for four hours.

His muffled calls for help finally prompted a neighbor to phone police about 6:30 a.m.

Responding officers scoured the area before they noticed the chimney's spark arrester had been disconnected. After climbing the roof, they spotted Urbano.

Then the difficult work began.

First, said Branson, an officer was held at the ankles and lowered headfirst into the breach, but found nothing to grab hold of because Urbano's arms were pinned.

Finally an officer lay on his back in the fireplace -- where Urbano's clothing was found -- and used his feet to push Urbano into the dawn air.

Submitted on 04/26/2006

Submitted by: Melissa B.
Reference: San Francisco Chronicle 4-26-6

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Neutral: For Darwin's Eyes
We already have this under consideration, but I'll keep this one because of the original write-up (which I would like Darwin to see). Thanks, Melissa!

Sheryl said:
Neutral: For Darwin's Eyes
Thanks, Melissa. I agree with James on this one. Rarely do we get an original write up and yours is a pleasure to read.

Jorge said:
Definitely Toss: Repeat

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: For Darwin's Eyes
Agreed. The writeup makes the difference. Thanks, Melissa.

Greg said:
Definitely Keep: For Darwin's Eyes

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