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Darwin Awards
2006 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

De-evolution fails human

2006 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Twenty-five year old Jeremy Johnson was out for the evening with four friends. While riding the elevator to their car in the parking garage, the elevator became stuck between floors. After using the emergency call button to summon assitance, Jeremy and friends decided that trusting their lives to complete strangers was an idiotic thing to do. After one of them tried to open the doors manually, they discovered that the elevator had a device installed that would prevent just such a sane maneouver and manually opening the doors. Luckily, they surmised that with enough braun the five of them could rid the elevator of such a ludicrous device and themselves the incovenience of having to wait five more minutes for professional help. After breaking the security bar and opening the door, the friends found that there was but a 12 inch gap through which they could squeeze through to escape their prison. This gap, however, would take them directly over the elevator shaft. This is when in the panic of a life and death situation that they began the de-evolution, for the core of their brain stem left over from their primate ancestors' tree swinging days noticed a bar along the bottom of the elevator near the door. The primal instict from this long underused area of their brain rationalized that it would be simple to squeeze through the 12" gap, grab the bar, swing over the open elevator shaft until enough momentum is achieved that they could then let go and land on the next floor like a gymnast finishing a parallel bar routine. Naturally all five thought this was a great idea. After his four friends sucessfully channelled this inner simian to safety it was Jeremy's turn. He managed to squeeze through the gap, grab the bar and begin swinging toward the safety of the savannah, er floor. Alas for poor Jeremy, his de-evolution was not as complete as the others. For his primate insticts were not as well re-established, his grip failed on the bar and he plunged 40 feet down the elevator shaft to his death.

***************** This story has been submitted and rejected previously but I warrant that further details about deciding to swing on a bar over an open elevator pit (it was reported earlier that Jeremy simply slipped) qualifies it for reconsideration.

Submitted on 03/06/2006

Submitted by: Bill Anderson
Reference: The Seattle Times, 2/22/06

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

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James said:
Definitely Keep: For Darwin's Eyes
Yes, Bill, the extra detail and superlative write-up DO merit consideration here. In the end, it would seem poor Jeremy's wits failed him as he succumbed to peer pressure and attempted the ill-fated egress from the elevator car. I will let Darwin have a look. For the record, this is the best write-up I have yet seen on this particular story.

Sheryl said:
Definitely Keep: For Darwin's Eyes
Nice write up. These guys were 25 and didn't wait for professional help? Stupid.

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