I probably wouldn't have bothered to submit this, but the fact that it happened within 50 miles of where I live (Queens, NYC...close enough to home that I might actually have shared the road with this fool at one time or other), as well as the fact that it happened on a local highway famous for its high number of accidents (ie it's DANGEROUS out there) compelled me to at least give it a shot...!

The Long Island Expressway (also known as Interstate 495) is a New York City area highway connecting Manhattan (via the Queens Midtown Tunnel) with Riverhead, the capital of Suffolk county in eastern Long Island, some 70-odd miles distant. The highway is one of the most crowded and dangerous commuter routes in the area, and one of only three east-west routes into New York City from eastern long Island. it is also the only major east-west route where trucks are allowed, making it all the more dangerous for anyone choosing this route. Speed extremes (both too fast AND too slow)are the norm on the "LIE", and anyone driving has to "stay awake", so to speak, in order to get to where one is going while dodging trucks, speedbikers, slowpokes, drunks...and people like 38 year old Stephen Nielsen of Southampton, Long Island.

Staying awake, you see, is apparently not Mr. Nielsen's modus operandi while driving along the LIE. Nielsen chose to motor along the LIE while fast asleep!

Courtesy of a diligent motorist, a 911 call came in to the Suffolk County Police Department reporting some gisugomaatz in an SUV doing a whopping 20 mph (the average speed on the eastern stretch of the LIE is about 70). When the police found the offending SUV, it had somehow sped up to about 42 mph.

Officer Matthew Nilan described seeing Nielsen's head back, mouth agape, and eyes closed. He radioed for help. SGT Michael Mehr came to Nilan's assistance. Despite blaring sirens and flashing lights, Nielsen did not wake up. Nilan even tried tapping on Nielsen's window from his patrol car...no dice. Finally, Mehr and Nilan positioned their cars in such a manner as to force Nielsen's SUV to safely stop. The still snoozing Nielsen did not respond. Perhaps he was dead?

After forcing the door of Nielsen's vehicle open, Mehr and Nilan noticed a crack pipe on Nielsen's lap. Nielsen was quite alive, though hopelessly in the hands of Morpheus, and now apparently caught crimson-fisted driving under the influence.

He was duly arrested, charged, and arraigned. It doesn't say whether or not he was awake for any of these proceedings, but I do not envy his first waking moments following this incident!

I nominate Mr. Nielsen for an Honorable Mention. By all accounts, he should have been flattened by a truck or by his own vehicle careening into a retaining wall or plunging down a median or overpass. Having to share New York City area highways with idiots is something I have long been accustomed to, but this fellow's smoking crack and falling asleep without the foresight to pull over to the ample shoulders of the LIE is stupidity which boggles even the mind of this veteran NYC area motorist!

Submitted on 01/15/2006

Submitted by: James G. Petropoulos
Reference: Newsday.com, 13 January 2006

Copyright © 2006 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Neutral: Other

Jack said:
Neutral: Honorable Mention
My initial thought was to toss this for endangering others, but upon reconsideration, I do find this story amusing enough to give one thumb up for an HM. Thanks, James.

Greg said:
Neutral: Honorable Mention
I like your write-up. While doing some work with the London Ambulance Service I attended a similar incident in South London. It's unbelievable how stupid some people are! I'll give this a green light.

Charles said:
Neutral: Honorable Mention
I too will green-light this one. Here you have it, boys and girls: concrete evidence that Drugs Make You Stupid.

Tracy said:
Neutral: Honorable Mention
I like it - the write-up is good, thanks!

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