My friend,whilst training to be a police officer in London was talking to his sergant. The sergant said whilst he was training he used to visit courts to get an idea on how the law worked in relation to the police and he also used to visit the public galleries in the coroners court, at inquests. This one particular day a case came up where an unfortunate man had been found dead in his flat by the police.

The police who found the guy were called to the stand, and the coroner asked in what state the deceased was found. Upon hearing this question the police burst into fits of laughter. The coroner was very annoyed, as you can imagine, and threatened them with all sorts of breaches until they finally got themselves under control. It appeared from their testimony that the deceased had been reported unseen for a number of days by his work colleagues and neighbors. Upon arriving at the flat and having no response from knocking etc. the policemen in question broke in the front door. The deceased was found laying on the floor, wearing german 'Lederhosen' with the butt cut out, 4 hooks and 4 industrial bedsprings (attachted to the 'braces' of the ledenhosen) where laying on top of him along with a fine dusting of plaster, along with the cause of death, a broomhandle jammed a long way up his butt!! the police were baffled until contacting the mans family and ex wife. It appears the man had a 'bit' of a fixation with the anal region of his body. This was one of the rerasons the ex wife cited in their divorce. After piecing together the evidence it appears the man had constructed himself an 'anal pleasure device' from a sawn broom handle and the said german troser garment. He attatched the bedsprings to the ceiling and proceeded to bounce himself up and down on the broom handle, which was attached to a base board that he stood on to prevent unwanted movement. he failed to realise that the walls and ceilings in the flat were made from plasterboard, which is somtimes not strong enough to even hang a picture, let alone a fully grown bouncing man!

To his surprise the bedsprings and hooks pulled from their anchoring points and he procceded in a fast downward motion, impaling himself on the broomstick, cue darwin!!!!

Submitted on 12/10/2005

Submitted by: Nigel Hayes
Reference: circa 1998??

Copyright © 2005 DarwinAwards.com

James said:
Definitely Keep: Urban Legend
Hah! I first heard a more vulgar variation from a NYPD friend of mine years ago, but it left out lederhosen and bedsprings (VERY creative)! I checked Snopes.com, and though a woman allegedly suffers a similar death by broomstick, there is nothing quite like this! This version must be a "cop" thing! This would be a fantastic addition to our urban legend collection, and the write-up is so very English! Thanks, Nigel!

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Urban Legend
Don't do "strange" myself, but I must admit that this made me laugh. I agree with James. The lederhosen and bedsprings have just raised the bar on autoerotic deaths...! Thanks, Nigel.

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