My Junior year, the freshman in my outfit decided to enjoy the night life of our school by sitting around a walmart parking lot at 2 o'clock in the morning. As many of you can imagine there isn't much to do in a walmart parking lot, until the cadets realized that they were surronded by little pools of oil.

Upon seeing the miny oil spills, the 15 cadets who were there pulled out there lighters and tried to get a nice fire going. They soon figured out that will oil is flammable, it needs a higher temperature to ignite then could be provided from their lighters. So our brilliant cadets deduced that they needed a "starter fluid" to help ignite the oil puddles.

Rushing into Walmart, the cadets proceeded to procure as many bottles of nail polish rumevor as they could. Which they then proceeded to pour over the largest oil slick they could find. The nail polish remover worked and the cadets had a rather nice size blaze going, when one of the cadets reliazed that they had a fire, in a parking lot, and that any cop who drove by would see it.

Not remembering that he was looking at a liquid fire, and that there was a walmart right next to him selling fire extinguishers, He promptly leapt into the middle of the fire to stomp it out.

As can be imagined, the stomping motion did not put out the fire but rather splashed it up his pant legs.

Realizing his plan would no longer work and that he was now on fire, tried to run out of the fire. Unfourtantly he slipped on the oil and fell back into the fire catching his shirt on fire.

With his shirt and pants now on fire, he succesfully rolls out of the fire. The next thought in his head should have been "Stop, Drop and roll", instead it was replaced with "Strip of your burning clothes and run aorund the parking lot naked and on fire".

His buddies finally were able to catch up to him and tackled him after a couple of laps at which time they patted out the flames. They then went back to the dorm and hopped into bed.

The next morning they came to me, and explained their ordeal from the night before. After I stopped laughing, I asked them what the doctor had said about the cadets burns. To which they responded they hadn't gone to a hospital yet to get their buddy checked out. After quickly qeustioning their intelligence and common sense, they were sent to one of our local medics where we were informed that the cadet had suffered second degree burns on his back and leg.

he has since healed up fine (sans two nasty scars) and has given up playing with fire. (Sharp objects is a different story, but we will save that for a later day)

Submitted on 11/12/2005

Submitted by: Daniel House
Reference: Personal Account, Feb 2005

Copyright © 2005 DarwinAwards.com

Sheryl said:
Maybe Toss: Too Common
Walmart's open at 2am? I find this one too common and not stupid enough to qualify but I'll wait for my other Mods to make a decision. Thanks for submitting, Daniel.

James said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I'll buy this one as a personal account. I rather like it! That, and I've witnessed something similar (though sans Wal-Mart) myself, so I can believe it. What say the other Mods? (BTW Sheryl, Wal-Mart is very often open late into the night in some areas)...

Greg said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I think it's pretty amusing. I wouldn't deny it the public vote. Thanks.

Charles said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Amusing, yes. Common, also yes, very yes. This sort of playing with fire is rather too common... but I will allow it with faint acclaim, because of the quality of the write-up.

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I would make a comment about Aggies, but other than the term "fish" for freshmen, there's no proof... I liked the write-up and the image of the poor guy running around the parking lot on fire and in the nude made me laugh! More stories about the antics of plebes please, Daniel.

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