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Darwin Awards
2005 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Rocky the Frying Squirrel

2005 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I'm an attorney that investigates cases of fraud against insurance companies. I was working on a claim made by a fellow named Rocky. He claimed that some earth moving equipment for his business (Rocky the Earth Mover) had been stolen, but much of the equipment was later found buried in his back yard. He opined that the material had been buried by the thieves, it was earth moving equipment after all, and that they hadn't gotten around to coming back for it.

While the case was pending against him, I got a call from the Beverly Hills Police Department. It seems ol' Rocky had been hired by someone to burn a house down. The owner had wanted to build a bigger home on the property, but it had been labeled as "historic" so the permits were denied. The owner wouldn't accept that answer, so he hired Rocky.

Rocky entered the home and sealed up all the doors and windows, except the sliding glass door he intended to leave by. He poured 10 gallons of gasoline throughout the house. He then took a break. Yep, he lit a cigarette. He was blown through the sliding glass door and into the back yard. He survived. As his car keys were blasted into his innards, he had no way to leave. He wandered out to the street and flagged down a passing car that took him to the hospital. From the fire and the glass, he looked like walking hamburger. The cops were already at the hospital when he got there.

He gave a death bed confession of both the arson and insurance fraud. He died a week or so after the fire. Unfortunately, he did have a child.

I don't have any newspaper source of the story.

Submitted on 09/14/2005

Submitted by: Anonymous
Reference: 1995

Copyright © 2005 DarwinAwards.com

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James said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
This is one of those REALLY dumb criminal stories which, unlike the vast majority, made me laugh. Because there is no immediate verification, I will have to vote personal account, but if ANY proof of this gentleman's passing can be forwarded (an obituary, ANYTHING), I would say this is Darwin caliber. This fellow's actions showed arrogance as well as criminal intent.

Kelly said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I don't know what to say except I hope that the owner of the house got a nice, stiff sentence for engineering the destruction of a historical landmark.

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