I asked my father who that was and was informed me, that he was my 3rd cousin Ray. One of my aunts who overheard my question began to talk about how Ray and my father had grown up together, and how Ray was the smart one in the family. Now I was intrigued, my father has 3 masters degrees (1 from Harvard), and this guy who looked like a dressed-up Hells Angel, was considered the smart one in the family.

I quickly discovered that Ray had money, and lots of it. I asked quietly to another Aunt, "Where did Ray get all of his money?" This Aunt told me in the proudest terms possible of what passes for "Smart" in my family.

She told me that Ray was working in the coal mine one day, operating a portable rock grinder. A rock grinder is hand pushed into mines to grind down large boulders.(looks like a huge lawnmower with the blades operating vertically.) Like many lawnmowers, the grinder is built with a safety catch to prevent the blades from spinning when the operator is not behind the machine.

This day, the grinder was jamming on some exceptionally hard rock. Ray, not sure of the cause of the jam is determined to look at the spinning blades from the front, but the darned things kept stopping everytime he went around to the front. Soooo...Ray took out his belt and looped it over the handle and the safety catch so that when he pulled the belt, the noose would tighten, turn on the blade and release the safety. If things got out of hand (sometimes the grinders would propel forward) he could always release the belt and the safety would stop the blades.

This was a truly ingenious plan. Ray pulled on the belt, the blades started, however with the pull of his tug and the tendency of the grinders to move forward naturally, the blades were getting too close, so Ray released the belt. Unfortunately (or fortunately as you'll see) his enormous belt-buckle had to be removed from his belt to pull off this procedure, and the buckle left a couple of holes near the top of the belt and the catch on the belt had popped right through one of these holes. Needless to say, Ray cut off most of his left foot.

Now how does he have money and why is he smart? Well, he sued the manufacturer of the grinder for millions, for not having a warning label on the machine warning you not to tie off the safety catch before standing in front of a machine that grinds rocks.

While not Darwin worthy (it almost was from what I understand), I thought it was worth relating. It truly is a wonder of what passes for "smart" in my family. I hope that whatever it is, it is a recessive gene.

Submitted on 05/17/2005

Submitted by: Matt McCall
Reference: PA - 5/15/05

Copyright © 2005 DarwinAwards.com

Daniel said:
Neutral: Personal Account
I like it. Unfortunately, it might encourage others to sue for their own stupidity.

Kelly said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
A very well written personal account.

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
A well written story [Legal Department? We need another warning label...].

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