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2005 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
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Bombs and Weddings don't mix

2005 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

This story currently being submitted is worth an Honorable Mention due to he is currently still living.

Al Haad al Ahdar, Iraq – On 5May05 a gentlemen who's to be referred as Hussein discovered an 155mm Illumination artillery shell and decided that he was going to use this to celebrate a wedding (for those that are not aware Illumination rounds add 1 million candle light to an area and posses a parachute to keep the light in the air for longer observation.) He wanted to add some fireworks to the celebration and collects the parachutes that are attached. Hussein was unaware how he was going to fire this round since he did not posses an artillery tube to fire this round correctly. Hussein then decided that he was going to use his German manufactured rifle to pierce the priming mechanism to launch the artillery round into the air. Well, Hussein didn't think that it would be a good idea to prop the round up and shoot the priming mechanism from a safe distance because then he would only have one attempt to shoot the round due to the shot would be heard by the local populace and attract unwanted visitors from the sound of the gun fire also would not project the star clusters into the sky for the wedding. So Hussein decided to place his rifle on his leg with the primer of the artillery round on the barrel of his weapon thus piercing the primer and launching the round into the sky adding a spectacular fireworks show for the wedding. Well the force of the artillery round leaving it's casing was not what Hussein planned. (For those that are not aware that the equal amount of force is exerted in both directions. The amount of force that is exerted by a 155mm artillery Illumination round when it ignites is not bearable for any human to withstand.) The force that the round exerted was more than a human leg can bare thus detaching Hussein's leg from the remainder of his body. Local Iraqi Army soldiers later discovered Hussein by following his screams of pain. Hussein was then transported to Coalition Forces for treatment for his mishap. Hussein was close to dieing from loss of blood but was saved from the life-threatening wound by United States Forces.

Dedicated to the soldiers of Task Force 2nd Battalion 34th Armor

Submitted on 05/12/2005

Submitted by: Marcus Bates
Reference: None

Copyright © 2005 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
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>> Moderator Scores <<

Daniel said:
Neutral: Personal Account
While my BS meter is twitching, I want to thank you for a well written and amusing submission. We'll see what the other moderators have to say.


Kelly said:
Maybe Toss: Other
It doesn't sound like you witnessed this so I would like to know where you got this from and would like to be able to verify the details.


Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Speaking professionally, I find this both amusing and quite believable. I know of several cases of WW II Marines and Army soldiers trying to fire a Japanese Type 89, 50mm "knee" mortar from their leg with unfortunate results... With a verifiable reference, I'd have no qualms about an HM for the poor man.


Charles said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
I, too, would love to see some verification of this. I will bow to Jack's expertise on munitions...


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