I cannot therefore relate this mans name, I would be fired.

In the Summer of 2003 we had a transfreed patient in from Reading Hospital, Berkshire as they had no trauma beds available. This is a blue-light transfer of about 32 miles.

The gentleman was admitted to the Trauma room in A&E for immediate stabilisation and transfer to the Operating Theatre.

The patient had sustained facial, thigh and abdomnenal wounds from a samll explosion. He had lost a severe amount of blood - so the abdomnenal wound had been packed with packed gauze. His face was also injured by shrapnel and gunpowder wounds. Severe lacerations to his eye and orbit area were evident. Our hospital is also an ophthalmic unit.

(Notice the British spelling)

The patient was transferred to Theatres where a 3 inch section of twisted scafoldding tube was removed from his abdomnen. His large intestine was repaired, rutured vessels secured by ligature and diathermy cauterisation.

Next the plastic surgeons examined the patients thigh and groin. Luckily his testicles were protected by the fact that the explosion was upwards. Tissue damage was repaired. At the same time the Ophthalmic surgeons assisted by the Plastic surgeons had to remove the patients eye, which had been obliterated by the blast. The plastic surgeons made good the wound around the orbit.

Some 5 hours later the patient was admitted to ICU on a ventilator and blood and plasma expanders.

At this point we knew nothing about the patients history and injury - Self injured terrorist stories abounded and a media restriction order was placed by the police on the subject.

The full details never appeared in the press due to the security imposed.

Then the story started to emerge when we spoke to the mans brother-in-law who arrived after much travelling. He had been delayed by the Police and distraught family.

The single-man 38 year old man was an unemployed van driver and had sufferred some personal set-backs in his life and was determined to entertain his brother-in-laws children by showing how to catch fish at the local quarry lake by the quick method. This was a technique (he later told me he used as a boy succesfully)

Using the brother-in-laws shed at the bottom of the garden during a family get together day, he cut a section off a 5cm diameter scaffold pipe blocked the end and hammered one end closed.

Then he packed the closed end with a pad of cotton cloth and rammed it home with a smaller section of steel pipe. On top of this he poured in a substantial amount of material taken from Chinese aerial exploding fireworks bought from a car boot sale. (These are illegal in the UK, as are all firearms and explosives)

Then another cotton pad was placed on top of the gunpowder and the whole bundle was located by a sealing plug of wood.

How the fuse and lighting mechanism is added - I didn't ask and he didn't tell me.

All of this process relies on a considerable amount of hammering and noise to get a 'tight wad'.

Being a Sunday - the brother-in-law was worried about the neighbours complaining and twice visted the shed and asked his erstwhile but keen relative to cease and desist his efforts. He also withdrew his 13 year old son from the scene and proceeded back to the house.

Meanwhile the Darwin candidate proceeded to ram home the pipe contents holding the pipe between his legs for stability.

As the gentleman explained to me some weeks later - "My big mistake was when I used the steel tube to pack the tube - instead of the end of the wooden hammer handle."

As the brother-in-law and son were about 30 feet from the shed, the sparks from the steel pipe ramming another steel pipe ignited the home made pipe bomb.

The candidate lost a major part of his thigh, but protected his testicles from injury, ensuring that his genes were not lost to humanity.

The pipe bomb shot the plug into and through his eye orbit, whilst the body of the tube literally unwrapped itself like a cardboard tube unpeeled and ejected itself into the gentlemans abdomnen. The blunt lateral force stoped the pipe from ejecting itself from his body; but the impact lacerated his large bowel, severed parts of his small bowel and the shock force and shrapnel caused massive and uncontrolled haemoraging.

It is unknown whether the 13 year old boy was impressed by his uncles fishing tackle.

The patient survived the incident, although the visible disfigurment is likely to ensure his genes are not propagated.

He has therefore not fullfilled the full Darwin award criteria.

However the one comment that made the Trauma teams day was when the sugeon displayed the 3 inch metal fragment from his abdomnen and announced to all and sundry "Whos going to contact the Darwin Awards then?"

All four doctors, three nurses and and two technicians cracked up laughing. Medical humour!

Submitted on 03/13/2005

Submitted by: Ches Whistler
Reference:

Copyright © 2005 DarwinAwards.com

Daniel said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Well written, although fireworks stories are pretty common. I love the fact that he was packing gunpowder into a pipe held between his legs.

Charles said:
Neutral: Honorable Mention
I do wish there were some way we could get verification of this. Well written, and an object lesson on how not to build a bomb...

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Alas, as with all submissions from medical people, we have to treat this as a Personal Account because of privacy issues, but the final statement by the Trauma Surgeon makes this a definite keeper: "Who's going to contact the Darwin Awards then?"

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