Each week I would take my team to a batting cage facility. It was always a struggle in safety, since the cage utilized machines which shot the hard rubber balls at speeds simulating up to 90 mph, and from a shorter distance than a standard mound. Many times boys would be distracted in between pitches and wander into the path of the incoming pitch.

My story lies not with the boys, but with the parents. I tried to have one assistant coach per cage to keep an eye on safety. I also tried to avoid having parents at the cages, mostly because they often insist on giving bad advice on fundamentals to their sons.

One father in this category would insist on standing directly by the door of the cage and shooting a steady stream of bad advice to this son, engraining the bad habits we were trying to break in this particualr boy. Mostly to avoid the poor advice, I had repeatedly asked the man to back away from the cages, citing the fact that standing too close to the chainlink door, which was outside the protective netting on the inside of the cage, was a dangerous place to be in case of a ball fouled back by his son. In fact, there was a metal sign to this effect posted on the door.

The chainlink fence looked sturdy, but actually had quite a bit of give when hit by the 90 mph balls tipped directly back.

After being ignored several times, I wander down the line to other issues. It was then I heard a meaty thwack from behind me. Turning, I saw the stunned man crouched in the corridor behind the cage holding his head.

Later I heard what had happened. After I had turned away the man had resumed his advisory position with his face against the chainlink fence, peering over the warning sign. His frustrated son, who hadn't made much contact all year, chose that moment to tip a high fastball directly back at his father.

The impact actually caused three separate injuries. One was an amazing tennis ball size swelling above his right eye that looked in dangering of bursting through the skin. Just under this was an ugly horizontal gash caused ironically, yes, by the top of the metal warning sign advising him to stay back. Latticed all across his forehead was a web of the chainlink fence.

We iced him down and one of my coaches took him to the local IMCC facility. I'm told that the injury was quite amazing as it morphed through a rainbow of colors during the weeks of recovery.

From certain angles the chainlink design looked to be a pattern of "Ds" and "As"...could it be a warning omen of a future Darwin Award? One assumes, at the least, that this man was not offered any procreation opportunities during the times his hideous injuries were on display.

Submitted on 02/26/2005

Submitted by: Mike Ceeto
Reference: Personal Account

Copyright © 2005 DarwinAwards.com

Daniel said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Poetic, stupid, and potentially fatal. It has all the elements I look for.

Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Not to mention know-it-all arrogance...

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