You're All Finished! 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
A 19 year old male was brought to our operating room (Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia). The victim, who was accompanied by police officers, claimed to have been standing on the sidewalk when a robber ran out of a nearby Chinese restaurant and shot him in the crotch as he ran by. The police, however, were certain that the victim WAS the robber and had shot himself when he stuffed the gun in his pants as he ran out of the restaurant. Their evidence consisted of the angle of the entry and exit wounds into and through the base of the patient's penis and the distinct powder burns over his lower abdomen, inside his underwear.
The victim received a general anesthetic. The trauma and urological surgeons proceeded to deglove (remove the skin from) his penis to treat the severe injury to the neurovascular bundle supplying blood flow and sensation to his penis. The destruction of the base of the penis was partially repaired, but the patient was left with an insensate (numb) penis and sufficient vascular injury that he would be incapable of achieving an erection. Next the urologists addressed the injury to the left side of the scrotum. The bullet had shattered the left testicle, which was removed. On exploring the right side of the scrotum, they discovered that the patient had a vericocele, a vascular structural abnormality that had caused his right testicle to be about the size of a pea and sterile.
The victim/patient selected himself out of the gene pool, leaving himself with no left testicle, a small sterile right testicle, an insensate penis, and inability to get an erection. At the conclusion of his anesthetic, the patient awoke and asked, "Am I all done?" to which the anesthesiologist responded, "Oh yes! You're ALL DONE!"
(NOTE TO Submitted on 11/26/2003
Submitted by:
Anonymous
Reference:
none
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