Laser Horseplay 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Have you ever wondered why science fiction almost never shows any horseplay with future technology? You won't hear any Storm Troopers talking about how they once used a tractor beam to give a new recruit a wedgie, or see any actual episodes featuring the popular bumper sticker joke, "Very funny, Scotty! Now beam down my clothes!" Perhaps the screenwriters assume that the genes for horsing around with technology will be long gone from the gene pool by the time these things are invented. Based on some of the stories I have heard working with various manufacturing companies today, however, I would have to say that natural selection is not acting fast enough. I cite the following story as a case in point.
I heard this story from a repairman who was visiting a factory and found they had a hole in the ceiling with burnt edges. He asked where it came from, and the explanation he received is one I'm still shaking my head over. Horseplay and giant metal cutting lasers really don't mix.
First, a little background about the laser in question. The laser itself is about the size of a refrigerator, and it's attached to a machine about the size of a moving van, designed to cut through about half an inch of metal. Naturally, the designers of the machine wanted to take every precaution possible to reduce the odds of injuries. The only part of the laser beam that comes outside of this machine when it is in operation emerges straight down from a nozzle, and travels for at most an inch (usually a lot less) before disappearing into a slot. And, of course, there are covers between the beam and the operator to absorb any stray reflections.
Well, it seems that somehow a bird had flown into the factory. Somebody had the idea to shoot it down with the laser. They had to get pretty creative, since this laser was obviously not meant for such things. So, they opened an access panel to get to the sealed tubes that carry the laser beam around the machine. Next, they removed one of the mirrors from this tube. There are several microswitches that keep the laser from operating in this condition, so they taped over the switches. Finally, they used a smaller laser (basically the same sort used in a toy laser pointer) to be sure it was pointed at the bird, and fired a pulse from the main laser at it.
You guessed it; they missed the bird entirely. The stray laser beam burned a hole in the ceiling before they realized what had happened. Fortunately the bird had been perched fairly high off the ground; things could have been really ugly had the bird been lower - or had the ceiling been made of something reflective like galvanized steel. Nobody was hurt that time, but any horseplay with giant lasers could easily become Darwin level stupidity. Submitted on 10/28/2003
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Anonymous
Reference:
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