Latrine Runner Ups 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
In the fall of 1985 I was attending the US Department of Defense Language School in San Francisco. As one of the few student-NCO's I was put in charge of one of the squads of bright young translators-to-be.
The school was up for an Inspector General visit and inspection. So, we were all spit-shining the barracks and school.
Now, in an Army Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC) unit you have to preceed any and all activities with a safety briefing. Now, in a language school this can get silly (Don't run with sharpened pencils...Care and treatment of a paper cut...etc.) However, since my crew was going to be GI'ing the barracks floor I briefed them on how to do it safely. In particular, I briefed the two guys who were to be cleaning the Latrine, and most espescially on being careful about using chlorine bleach.
Bleach is great at wiping out molds, mildews, and whitening things. However, under the right conditions, like mixing it with other chemicals, it will break down and release the chlorine as a poisonous gas.
These two started their duties by taking several large spray-bottles and filling them with a 50-50 mixture of bleach and another cleaning solvent which will remain un-named.
They were amused when the mixture started fizzing and boiling in the bottles. Didn't take the hint, it jsut surprised them. Then, they each took a bottle in each hand and started to liberally spray down the floor, walls, every surface in the latrine.
About the time that the gas started searing their eyes, noses, throats, and lungs...The other bottles that they hadn't used yet developed enough pressure to blow their tops.
One guy passed out where he was standing. The other managed to make it to the door before collapsing.
I was doing the rounds of the cleaning teams and saw this idiod fall out of the door, with billowing clouds of greenish fog rolling out behind him.
After making a colorful comment about his mother's sexual proclivities (I was was a Sergeant after all) I dragged him clear. Holding my breath I ducked into the latrine and managed to locate the other idiot and carry him out.
Then, I went back into the latrine and opened the windows and turned on the ventilator fans.
After that, I was told that the post Ambulance was on a call and they weren't sure when it'd get there. I had the two loaded into my car and I personally delivered them to the Hospital Emergency room.
Later, after they were released with scarred lungs and reduced resperatory function, they were unable to tell me WHY they had tried such an idiotic thing, espescially jsut five minutes after I had warned them against that exact thing.
It was only years later that I realized that I had interfeared with the Darwinian process. Both probably lived long enough to reproduced.
I stand properly chastized.
Submitted on 10/23/2003
Submitted by:
Stephen Schrader
Reference:
None-Personal Account
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