Birthday Gift to the Genepool 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
A friend of mine had been dating a guy until he dropped out of high school. She bailed out on him at the correct time -- when he was just beginning to show his stupidity to the world. She had horrible taste in men, to be honest, but this one took the cake.
It was his eighteenth birthday and he invited over a mixed crowd of about a dozen young men and women to join him in celebrating the first evening of his manhood. Two of his ex-girlfriends were among the attendees (my friend was one of them). I suppose he wanted to impress the girls because after drinking a couple of illegally bought beers he whipped out his genitals and decided that he wanted a piercing there. He was not skilled a body piercing, he had no anatomical knowledge and had dropped out of high school without so much as taking biology, but he somehow felt he was capable of doing the deed himself.
He masturbated and then iced himself down and found a kilt pin which he dipped in a bottle of solvent and jammed through the shaft of his penis. He relized within minutes that there was something wrong due to the irritation and odd sensations coming from the area. My friend was good enough to drive him to the ER at 11 at night, laughing all the way, but she never did go out with him again as he might have hoped.
His medical records are classified, but to the best of both my and her knowledge, he did enough nerve damage to his penis with the kilt pin that he can no longer acheive an erection. The cleaning solution he used to try and sterilize the kilt pin did further tissue damage...had he not been too drunk to read he might have noticed the poison control information and "do not get in eyes or other tissues or allow into open wounds" warnings he might have been spared this insult on top of his injury. He was young, stupid, and single. Now, on top of it, he'll hopefully remain unable to reproduce. Submitted on 10/13/2003
Submitted by:
Anonymous
Reference:
Personal Account, 2001
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