Beer and Knives 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
I was a witness to this a few days ago from afar think goodness.
What started out to be a day of cleaning house turned into day of pain for a poor soul.
Men we all know do not like house cleaning let alone fall cleaning which is my version of spring-cleaning. My fiancé was using every trick in the book to get out of cleaning house just like a toddler would. "I'm tired, this isn't fun, these fumes are making me sick" and so forth. I of course, the female, told him to suck it up like a man and continue to clean. After getting sick and tired of his antics and whining I stated "I'll go down to the store and pick up a case of beer, if you help me finish this” Afterwards I wouldn't care if he was drunk on his butt because the work would be over and done with.
While I am gone a neighbor drops by, and I bring home the beer. He uses another little trick to weasel out of cleaning. The men take the cold case of beer and go outside. They crack open the case and also crack open a sleeve of throwing knifes as well. At this point they are sober, having beers and playing with knifes. In the middle of the yard is a big oak tree. It seems with each beer that goes by their throws get a little sloppier. Some of the knifes stick in the tree (a hit) while other just seems to bounce off (a miss). With every beer they seem to get a little bit closer to the tree because they just can't seem to make a hit.
I go outside and witness the escapade safely from the porch. Being a doting fiancée I am I give two warnings "Honey stop throwing the knifes" and "Honey get your butt back in here and help me out!" At the point I didn't know what was going to be more painful, him facing the wrath of an angry woman from the line "Hell has no fury like a woman's scorn" or what was going to happen next. I could see this coming from a mile away.
They were approximately 3 yards from the tree and maybe 7 beers into this. In my fiancé’s wilder days I have witnessed him putting 17 Buds away. 7 beers ahh this is nothing really, but still things can happen. Well low and behold from a distance I hear a nice "kaaching" of the blade bouncing of the tree from a “miss” followed a slew of obscenities. I run over to find two throwing knifes on the ground, barks from the trees strung about, beer cans on the ground, and the remaining knife in my fiancé’s leg. I tourniquet his leg with a cleaning cloth and bring him to the hospital. 2 dumb idiots lacking: 2 cents, 3 throwing knives: $30. 1 case of beer for a man to be quiet: $25. 1 trip to the ER: $ $2,542.78 (thank God for health insurance), the look on the attending physician’s face at the explanation of the wound: priceless. What I got out the deal: cleaning bill for my car due to blood $45.00, one cleaning cloth $2.00, blood on my shirt $30, a day that the chores didn’t get done, and this story to tell his parents when they came down the next day for a visit as my explanation to why the house is still a mess: priceless.
Submitted on 09/12/2003
Submitted by:
Melinda
Reference:
12 September 2003
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