black cats in the pants 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Last Friday, July 4th, I witnessed what was possibly the biggest act of stupidity that I have ever seen. We were hanging at a friends house, eating, drinking and lighting fireworks to celebrate our nations independence when suddenly a pack of fire crackers started exploding at my feet. I jumped and looked at a "friend" that was laughing with the lighter still in hand. I got really mad at him and began yelling about how stupid it was of him to throw the explosives so close to me.
He got upset at the fact that I was mad and kept saying that the fire crackers couldn't hurt me. He unwraped another pack, lit it and dropped it close to his own feet. The pack blew up and he said "see.... nothing" I was still upset and we began to argue about it further.
what he did next was the stupidest thing I've ever witnessed. He was really drunk and I guess he was convinced that the crackers really couldn't hurt a person because he lit another pack, pulled the elastic strap of his shorts and boxers forward and dropped the pack down his pants.
You can image what happened next. Before they even started exploding, he began screaming as the fuse burnt his skin. Then, once they started to explode he really screamed and ran into the house. He didn't show us the burns, and I didn't really care to see them, but he said they looked really bad. He said it had burned both the twig and berries. He went to the hospital and we continued to celebrate.
When he returned, he explained that the doctor had given him some cream and instructed him to come back in a week. He also said that the doctor told him that his capability to reproduce may be in jeopardy.
He didn't kill himself and i guess this is just another drinking while playing with explosives story but the minute I saw the fire crackers go down his pants... I thought Darwin. Submitted on 07/07/2003
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