Insert Foot here 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Well I'm sure this is a common stories, and I doubt this is worthy of anything more then the slush pile, but I thought I'd confess.
At the ripe age of 18, I was in my prime for drinking with mates. Our best times were spent sitting around a bonfire in an empty dam at the bottom of his small block of land. Throw down a couple of beers, maybe have a toke of a joint and solve the problems of the universe.
Graeme, the host, had recently acquired a nice new 10L plastic Jerry can. Which was handy, because we didn't have to walk back and forth with the larger 20L steel one.
One particular night, we had a couple of 'extra' friends around other then the usual 4 regulars. We had already been drinking all afternoon, so it was time to put on a show.
After building a large pile (8 wheelbarrow loads) of assorted treated pine and timber in the dam, it was time to set it alight.
The honors went to Graeme to set it alight, usually we would play it safe my making some home-made 'Napalm' to make a trail leading to the fire, though we had run out of a vital ingredient. So a trail of petrol was used.
While Graeme was walking backwards spilling fuel everywhere (including on his boot), one of our drunken comrads taunted Graeme by flicking a lit match at him. Graeme panicked and dropped the container, as the match landed on the fuel.
So in my fit of stupidity I rushed towards the container (as everybody else was fleeing) to attempt to kick it out of the flames... because it was new y'know?
Now, the container hadn't exploded as was expected when it first came in contact with flames, because with only one opening it didn't really have the oxygen.
But, with my footy skills as sharp as they were, I've run forward and put all effort into attempting to punt the container safe. Not so.
With all the force I put in, my shoe went through the side of the container which got stuck on my foot. FAARRK!! was my initial thought as I slammed my foot onto the ground in an attempt to get the can off, but all I did was pound it back into the flames and split it open. Which accomplished nothing other then unleashing a fireball at my feet, which quickly rose and removed all hair on its way, including up my shorts, and my lock of chest-length hair.
Needless to say, after diving into a fish pond, my shoe was nothing less then melted around my foot, and my right leg was rather burnt up to the mid-thigh area.
Though in my drunken haze I sucked it in to look tough in front of guests, and calmly requested some clothes, shoes and some clippers to shave what was left of my hair.
Lesson learnt. Submitted on 06/27/2003
Submitted by:
Anthony
Reference:
2000
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