Smoking a Firecracker 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
This is a personal account that didn't quite result a Darwin Award nomination.
A friend of mine, Sam (not real name) and I both lived within a couple of blocks of where we both worked, a used appliance shop.
Another employee had decided to make some extra money during the period preceeding July 4th by importing and selling fireworks illegal in California.
On Saturday, July 3, 1999, Sam and I had decided to make some extra money by putting in a few hours work during the July 4th weekend. We brought plenty of beer and a lot fireworks purchased from the other employee to help us through the day.
For several hours we worked a little and drank a lot, breaking up the time by throwing firecrackers at each other and seeing just how much damage an M1000 could do to a junk refrigerator (quite a bit).
Sam and I both smoke, so the logical way to light the fuses was with our cigarettes.
any hours into the day and many beers later, we were taking a break from our play when, through beer-hazed eyes I saw Sam pull out another firecracker. When he lit the fuse with his cigarette, I prepared to dodge his throw.
Then, in drunken amazement, I watched as Sam threw the cigarette at me and stuck the firecracker into the corner of his mouth.
There's a saying that God watches out for fools and drunkards. This must be true, as Sam only lost one tooth and slightly less than half of his tongue. Both his eyes were blackened and the entire right side of his face was still noticably bruised 3 weeks later.
If he had grabbed an M1000, the results would have been entirely different.
I have never even touched any type of fireworks while under the influence ever since.
On the other hand, Sam hadn't changed at all, last I saw of him. As much as I like Sam, I expect to see him win a Darwin Award someday, if he hasn't already. We lost touch after I got another job and moved to another town. Submitted on 06/18/2003
Submitted by:
Anonymous
Reference:
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