Short cut, cut short 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Hello; I know very well this story doesn't qualify for a Darwin; but it's perhaps the most spectacular case of extreme stupidity I've ever personally seen, and therefore my favourite story. I'd like to share it with you. The only reason the guy survived was sheer fear-induced accelleration.
I was a soldier of the Lord Strathcona's Horse; an armoured regiment then stationed in Calgary. In the early summer of 1990, we were hosting elements of the British Army at Canada's main training center in Wainwright; Alberta. At the entrance to the base, there is a large fenced-in pasture that holds one of the last herds of Plains bison in Canada; a herd of about 40 animals.
Bison are not the friendliest ruminants on the planet.
Safety signs are posted every ten feet along the fence; along with warnings that read: "Unless you can cross this pasture in nine seconds, do not attempt to cross. The bison can do it in ten."
Anyway; we'd taken some of our new British friends into town to party at the Wainwright Hotel; our favourite bar in the area. About one in the morning; we decided to save the money on a cab and walk back - a distance of about 3 miles, since one has to walk around the pasture to reach the front gate.
We reached the pasture and started to go around, when one of our drunk Brit friends decided the warnings were false; that there weren't any "Real Live Buffaloes". Despite our protests, he decided to take the shortcut; hopped over the five-foot-high fence, and disappeared into the dark.
We watched and waited.
You guessed it. Seconds later, a high-pitched, and very un-british "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt!" came from the pasture, and our friend came tearing back towards the fence at a speed that would have done credit to Donovan Bailey; a fully mature (and quite unhappy) plains bison thundering up from behind.
The young gunner vaulted the fence - remember; it was five feet high - without breaking stride. His rear foot caught on the top rail; sending him spinning into the grass on the safe side; about half a second before two thousand pounds of extremely unfriendly hamburger smashed into the fence at full steam. The fence is a solid steel-pipe construction; extremely solid. The two-foot dent in that section remains to this day. The bison staggered, snorted, shook his head and rumbled off; with a splitting headache, I assume. Our friend got out of it with a broken ankle; moderate concussion, dislocated shoulder and a great deal of bleeding from his uncontrolled landing. Had he not cleared the fence; he would have been piledriven (drived?) to bits by the huge bull.
We gave him first aid and summoned help of course; although even though fear had drained the alcohol out of our systems we were still laughing too hard to be too sympathetic.
Again; I realize this doesn't qualify; but as a personal account; your readers might find it amusing.
Thank you!
Submitted on 04/18/2003
Submitted by:
David R. Organ
Reference:
None - personal account
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