Homeland Security - A Legend? 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
AN SUES TOM RIDGE OVER DUCT TAPE FEARS
Corona, CA - Tom Ridge's advice to Americans to stock up on duct tape and
plastic has sparked a lawsuit which has been filed against him, the
Department of Homeland Security, and President George W. Bush.
Steven J. Bosell, the owner of B & B Construction in Corona, California,
has filed a
lawsuit claiming emotional distress, personal injury and sexual
dysfunction
after he wrapped his "privates" in duct tape to protect them from a
biological attack. "After watching Mr. Ridge on television advising us to
stock up on duct tape and plastic, I went to the local Costco and bought
$100
worth of duct tape to protect myself," Bosell said. "When I got home, I
taped
up my windows and doors. After I did that I realized if survivors like
myself
are going to reproduce and populate the Earth after a biological attack,
we
have to protect our privates as well."
Bosell claimed in his lawsuit he
wrapped his "privates" in duct tape as test of "Homeland Security". When
he
tried to remove the tape, Bosell injured himself when the tape began
peeling
off skin and body hair. After calling an ambulance, Bosell was taken to
the
hospital where the doctors and nurses laughed at him. "I told the doctors
and
nurses at the hospital if they laughed, I would file a lawsuit against
them
and the hospital. They laughed anyways and I now have another lawsuit
pending" Bosell said with tears streaming down his face. "They went out
their
way to make me look like a fool. Once I saw the doctors scalpel go toward
my
privates, I totally lost it and blacked out".
Also named in the lawsuit is
the President of the United States, George W. Bush. "President Bush is
just
as liable for injury to my reproductive future because he hired Mr. Ridge
to
run the Department of Homeland Security and Mr. Ridge gave the nation bad
advice. They also make me look like a fool." Bosell sobbed. The Department
of
Homeland Security and the Bush Administration have no comment on Mr.
Bosell's
lawsuit.
We can only hope that this man's reproductive capabilities HAVE indeed
been
'curbed'!
Submitted on 04/08/2003
Submitted by:
Christine Mulder
Reference:
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