Grenade Fireworks 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Well ok he didn't manage to kill himself, but as an act of outstanding achievement in trying to get himself removed from the genepool this deserves a worthy mention.
My Father was conscripted into the British Army towards the end of WW2, and was then posted to the part of India now known as Pakistan (near Nowshera, North West Frontier Province). He was in the Royal Ordanance Corps and running an ammunition dump.
Well as Brits know Nov 5 is bonfire night, to celebrate a man who may have won 1605's Darwin Awards, Guy Fawkes (if only for thinking it would work and he'd get away with blowing up Parliament). It is usually celebrated with crappy fireworks.
So he thought, with some friends, that it would be an awfully good idea to make to make some decent ones - from hand grenades.
Suffice to say the whole plan blew up in his face (literally) and he was hospitalised and blinded for the next week!
This is in addition to his technique at the grenade throwing range of disposing of unexploded weapons - throwing bricks at them from a short distance!
After the war he went to work for British Rail, where he used his explosives experience to put railway detonators (used to warn trains to stop in case of emergency) on Liverpool tramlines. Ah fun was had by all, except maybe by the tram drivers, passengers...
You'll be glad to know his Darwin genes have been inherited. Both my sister and I blew up our chemistry labs at school accidents. Curiously, same school, same teacher! She did better than me, she managed to get herstory onlocal radio and sent people to hospital.
He died in 1984 from a non-Darwin awards illness. But lets face it, the man is a hero. He's mine. Submitted on 03/18/2003
Submitted by:
Peter Tyrer
Reference:
Story from my Father (1947)
Copyright © 2002 DarwinAwards.com
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