Darwin Awards: 2003 February Slush Pile

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2003 February Slush
Canadian Club and Root Beer
Lord of the flame
Bus kills romping couple
Tree Hard, Head Empty
Dye Pack Dummy
Oh very nice
I can show you how to do this
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too hot chocolate
You got WHAT in that bag ?
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2003 Slush Pile

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Canadian Club and Root Beer

2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I grew up in a mostly Mormon community, Provo, UT. At 12, like kids everywhere, my friends and I wanted to try everything. Especially things that we couldn't find in our homes. One friend in Boy Scouts, (Randy) had parents who weren't church going people and had a well stocked liquor cabinet. Excitedly he voluteered to swipe a bottle and sneak it out of the house at midnight. At midnight, we met at Alan's house, for a little party. All the folks were asleep, there was a moon out and it was extremely quiet.

We were able to move a ladder over to his carport and climbed up. Once we found a comfortable place to sit, on the peak of the roof, each participant pulled out something appropriate for the ocassion. I brough 4 cans of root beer and some jerky, Randy had a sealed bottle of Canadian Club, Alan had a pack with fruit snacks, cups, and Craker Jacks. We began our ideal meal. The booz was made drinkable by adding the root beer. We were telling jokes, eating candy, and jerky, while attempting to be as quiet as possible. The root beer was gone in an hour of so along with more than half of the CC. Alan had an urgent desire to release himself and got the idea that it would be fun to stand on the edge of the house, peeing over the side, and allowing the car lights off the road running next to the house to highlight his manhood. We were having a very drunken ball, watching his stream glistening in the car lights. He handled things well turned around zipped up just as a car was coming from the opposite direction, Lights hit him in the eyes and in a confused state he turned again and fell off the west side of the north facing house. He screamed like bloody murder, as he hit a wall of climbing roses, and landed with a thud a few feet from his parents bedroom window. Lights went on, we were scared stiff, but managed to pick everything up and run to the back of the carport and down the ladder. We ran from the rear of the driveway jumping down into a neighbors back yard which was a a bigger dropoff than we thought. (The houses were on a hill, we were going downhill). Running through one more backyard got Randy home, and he quietly opened his back door slipping downstairs to his room. I had further to go. I ran thru his backyard over the rear of the driveway, jumped down (approx 6-8 feet) to the back yard of the next house. Unseen were strings of heavy plastic cord making up clothes lines. As I fell, my neck snagged against two lines, (I then knew what the term clotheslined really meant). I snapped my neck while still off my feet and bounced back against two more lines then being jolted up in the air again before finally landing flat on the ground, unconscious. Alan was found in seconds by his rifle toting dad, while his mother called the police. He was screaming in pain. A piece of wood from a trelice had ripped his pants and impelled into his leg 1 1/2 " below his scrotom, arms deeply scratched, most of the hair from the back of his head lost from scrapping against the brick on the way down. He was still concious, unfortunately. The police had two cars stopped at opposite ends of the row of houses. Armed Officers making their way through the neigborhood looking for burglers. Another car pulled in front of Alan's house, saw Alan and talked to his father. Alan squealed on all of us, while waiting for an ambulance. I was discovered by Randy's parent's, and the police officers at the same time. They thought I had killed myself, by hanging, there was the mosty empty bottle of CC by my side, which the parents recognized as one of theirs. No one else on the block would have alcohol, in their homes. I got a ride in a 'copter to the hospital. Randy claimed that he had nothing to do with us and he had been in bed all night. That was before he started vomiting his insides out. Obviously I lived as did Alan. I wore a head cast coming down over my shoulders and under my arms for 8 weeks. My eyes we blackened and bulged out, a smashed thorasic vertebra. I had a hole drilled into my head to release pressure. And I carried a blood level of 0.25, after my first time drinking. Alan was found to have a concuscion, severed arery in his femoral area, both arms broken, many serious cuts and bruises. He came close to bleeding to death. This little party, at midnight on a steep roof, with three kids sampling booz for the first time and a lot of booz at that, almost killed us. Our punishment were the days in the ICU, 3 surgeries for me, 6 for Alan, who was left with a funny hair line. Randy was grounded for a year, my savings went to rebuilt the clothelines. I have 4 kids, Alan 3, there are alive and doing well. Our wives must have overcome our contribution to the gene pool. y mother loved her brownie, and our family alblum has rows of pictures with Alan and I, in our casts.

Submitted on 02/07/2003

Submitted by: Steven
Reference: Personal Account June, 1969

Copyright © 2002 DarwinAwards.com

Great? 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Awful?
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Jack said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Yeah, a lack of maturity, but the story did make me grin (and besides which, anyone who pronounces "album" as "alblum"[or chimney as chimley] gets a one time, one point upgrade.


Bert said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Lacks maturity, but...


Gregory said:
Maybe Toss: Other
12 year olds lacking in maturity.


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