Willy Freezes to Bus Stop 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
The article, as printed:
A drinker who stopped for a wee by the road in -30ºC weather was left in agony - when his willy froze onto a bus shelter.
The man, who had stood too close to the icy steel structure, cried out as passers-by tried to help in Stavropol, Russia.
He was freed by a local man, who poured a kettle of warm water over his manhood to thaw it.
My version:
Title: The Dangers of Drink.
A man found himself in need of warming relief when he stopped to empty his bladder on a minus 30 degree night in Stavropol, Russia.
Finding a convenient bus shelter, the man who had been drinking, stood a little too close to the icy structure was shocked as his then penis froze to the metal, causing him freezer-burning agony.
The man called out to passers-by who tried to pull him free and was finally rescued by a local man with a kettle of warm water.
Now a great client of Russian Sperm banks, this man is the only client able to supply pre-frozen sperm donations. Submitted on 01/13/2003
Submitted by:
Anonymous
Reference:
The Sun Saturday 11-01-03 (UK)
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