Kung Fu lions 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
About 15 years ago a rather impressionable young fellow started doing kung fu training at a club in Melbourne, Australia. At one point in his training his somewhat under-informed instructor dramatically told the class, "Once you reach this level in your training you can kill wild animals with your bare hands." Our somewhat dim-witted trainee hero took this as gospel and set about planning to prove himself in combat with a suitable wild beast.
Unfortunately for our would-be Bruce Lee Australia is not blessed with any suitable ferocious wildlife bigger than a labrador so he settled upon an inspired imported alternative: the lions at Melbourne zoo. His cunning plan was to leap into the enclosure in the dead of night and prove his mettle in combat with a suitable co-operative lion.
Excellent theory, but he hadn't counted upon the lion's buddies joining in the fun nor the remote possibility that his instructor didn't know what the hell he was talking about. The zoo authorities found his remains - two arms, the fingers still clutching lion fur - the following morning and some contented lions with big smiles on their faces.
The coroner brought in the blindingly obvious verdict of accidental death due to the victim being insane at the time of the incident. The kung fu instructor received the roasting-from-Hell from the bench for his completely irresponsible statement. His club numbers dwindled catastrophically overnight. Submitted on 01/12/2003
Submitted by:
Peter Mitchell
Reference:
Unable to locate
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