Public enema 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
I'll be sending this to the darwin awards
"The first we knew of it was when we recieved an emergency call , saying that an elderly man had burst into flames", an army spokesman told reporters. "We immediately sent a Green Goddess along, but by the time we got there, the fire had been extinguished. The man did not seem to be badly burned, just singed and very wet, but we did notice that his colostamy bag had melted, and we asked him why. And after further enquiries, we found out exactly what happened.
"Apparently, the man had been standing at a bus stop, whenhe accidentally dropped his lit cigarette directly onto his colostamy bag. The smoldering cigarette burned through the plastic, the methane inside the bag ignited, there was a small explosion, and the man went up in flames. Luckily, the shopkeeper heard his screams, saw the flames, and realised what had happened. He rushed out with a kettle full of water, threw it over the man's burning clothing and colosstamy bag, and managed to put the fire out by the time the Green Goddess arrived. The man was taken to hospital, but was not seriously injured."
Submitted on 12/27/2002
Submitted by:
chris hawkes
Reference:
Private Eye, 27 December
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