Near Miss - Again 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
This year my Uncle John attempted yet again to become a candidate for the Darwin Awards. My hapless Uncle has a long history of stupid, life threatening activities. As a child, he was on a first-name basis with the ER staff for numerous stunts, such as trying to unicycle down a steep road. His judgment did not improve with age. A few years ago, while clearing a new piece of property, he managed to drop a tree on himself. Nevertheless, despite shattered limbs, ribs, and a punctured lung, he survived to make yet another attempt this fall.
There was still snow on the ground in Berks county, Pennsylvania as Uncle John tried to mend a car tire with an aerosol can of sealant. When the can did not work, my Uncle reasoned that it was because the temperature outside was so low that the propellant did not have any pressure. In a nearly fatal leap of logic, my Uncle decided to raise the pressure the easy way - by placing the can on his burning wood stove to heat up. It did. The volatile propellant exploded, blowing the bottom of the can off and shooting the rest of the can like a rocket at Uncle John's head. The right lower jaw, upper jaw, cheekbone, and eye orbit are all badly fractured, and will require surgical repairs. Fortunately, despite the bloody nature of the injury, no lasting damage is expected, and he should regain his sight when the swelling goes down enough for the eye to open.
If the bottom of the can had not given way, my Uncle would have gotten a face full of shrapnel. Had the can struck four inches higher, he would have had a shattered skull - and brain.
Because of a long history of near fatal lapses of judgment in an otherwise sane man in full possession of his faculties, I believe Uncle John deserves an Honorable Mention. One can only surmise that, in addition to a stupidity gene, Uncle John possesses one for luck as well. It is to be hoped his three children have inherited only the latter. I love ya, Uncle John, but....
*note to moderators-This will have to stay a personal account. I'm not sure if my family is ready to laugh about this yet.*
Submitted on 12/03/2002
Submitted by:
Anonymous
Reference:
Thanksgiving Day, 2002
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