Ladder, roof, moron falls 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Often, I have been known to damage things about me – unwittingly, though I tend not to heed sound advice from friends about eminent repercussions. Thankfully, I tend to be a greater danger to objects and myself, than to other persons, depending on with whom you speak.
I offered to help a friend re-roof his un-attached garage, in accordance with a purchase agreement for the house. They had to complete it fairly quickly and needed the help. I was a complete novice at it, but tried my best to positively contribute. I used an aluminum ladder set up on the edge of the roof, trying to do the bottom (gutter region) shingles. At a point when I needed to move positions, I decided to do the unsafe hop. I hopped the ladder into a new position.
Repeating these steps, I made faster progress. There were bushes in the way, preventing me from successfully hopping the ladder, so I continually extending my hand outward to swing the hammer. My friend had looked my way to see the timely and comic scene. Drifting off of the ladder, perhaps with only one foot on a rung, I swung the hammer for a final blow.
As if aimed, the hammer flung out of my hand into the neighbor’s lawn. I spun forward in an aerial summersault. A timely little girly scream rose over the scene, but not from me. My friend screamed, then saw who-would be his best man plummet to the ground – cement driveway. The ladder fall in my general direction, but didn’t hit me.
I heard voices and the silly question, “are you alright.”
I looked up at my feet through stalks of the bushes where I formed a perfect “L”. My back was nearly impaled by base branches and the trunk. I don’t remember hitting my head on the ground, nor the fall, but was stunned.
I couldn’t really sort things out right away, but slowly dragged myself out of the bush, wearing some of its leaves and twigs as a new fashion. I am sure that it was truly cartoonish, whilst I stopped in mid-air, time standing still momentarily while observers could take a mental picture. We found the hammer, but I was not asked to assist them to roof, ever again.
Later in the week, I successfully removed a back-porch railing by leaning on it. I sadly brought in the piece, only to find out that my friend had tried to remove it all day, to no avail. He should have known to invite his “graceful ninja” friend to remove it professionally with stupidity. This story is verifiable by many and will undoubtedly be followed by other accounts of my stupidity and Darwinian performances.
Submitted on 11/28/2002
Submitted by:
M Holloway
Reference:
personal account
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