Drill Press First Aid 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
While working on various oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico, you come across some pretty inventive ways to fix that common problem caused by smashing the tips of your finger or fingers. Usually after putting your finger tip between two pieces of steel and then applying a large amount of force, the finger will swell and the the pressure under the fingernail caused by the ruptured blood vessels causes it to turn black and hurt everytime your heart beats. The common cure for the quick relieve of pain is to insert a hole into the nail to allow the blood to escape, therefore releasing the pressure and the pain. This is usually performed by using either a sharp pointed pocket knife or heating a needle red hot and inserting it painlessly into the nail and underlying tissue.
This is where our next Darwin Contestant steps in and inserts himself into the gene pool. After smashing the dog out of his finger, the never ending pain that follows sat in and began its two week tour of a built in heartbeat monitor. After acquiring the knowledge of the rig personnel he learned that if he inserted a small hole in the nail it would stop hurting and he could continue working without the throbbing reminder. Well our genius proceeds to the motor room and finds a large drill press. A drill press used for drilling holes up two 2 inches in plate steel. He inserts a small drill bit in the the drill and turns the drill on 780 rpm. He places his pulsing finger under the bit and proceeds to lower the drill until he makes contact with the nail. He slowly applies pressure to the crank and begins making the hole. As he gets through the nail and is so close to releasing the blood, the bit hangs up in the nail and proceeds to wrap his hand around the drill press. Well instead of going home with a busted finger, he is sent to the doctor with a broken finger and busted up hand. I guess for the rig crew they were lucky that they installed a foot pedal on the drill press and that he did not have a headache.
Submitted on 11/16/2002
Submitted by:
Paul Ivy II
Reference:
April 2002
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