Darwin Awards: 2002 August Slush Pile

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Darwin Awards
2002 Slush Pile

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CLOTHES LINE AND AXE

2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

I was 12 years old and helping my father in the side yard cut fire wood. My father was a very active and intelligent man but on this occasion he as well as my mother made a few mistakes all in one incident. My father started it off by not checking the distance from his swinging axe and the clothes line. I remember distinctly as he took that final swing of the axe that day when the axe met with the clothes line. My father's eyes got about as big as silver dollars as the clothes line went taunt and started to fling the axe directly back at his head. His arms gripped at the axe tighter but to no avail, the axe met forehead with a thud. I looked at him with total suprise and about as scared as you can be. The axe had affixed into the very center of his forehead and my father looked at me with this new appendage sticking out of his head. I about fainted but started screaming instead. My Mom shot out the back door and ran towards my dad who was still standing there with both hands on the handle. He gave a yank on the handle removing the steel blade ffrom flesh. A gusher of red started spewing and both his hands let go of the handle and placed on the now long up and down gash. My Mom ran back in the house yelling for all three of us kids to get to the car right now while grabbing a dish clothe and running water on it. She grabbed Dad and rammed the wet clothe to his head which I think hurt him more than the axe did with the force she used. My Mom placed Dad in the passenger seat and my sister and brother got in the back seat of the 2 door chevrolet behind him. I got in the backseat behind my Mom but I was not fast enough to remove my hand from the door as she shut it on my left hand. Then little finger to the middle finger were trapped and smashed in the door and all I could yell out was little muffles as I was in total pain. No one know I was trapped in the door for about 3 of the 7 miles to the hospital. My older sister looked over at me and started to scream as she noticed how white I was and seeing my trapped fingers in the door. Upon hearing the very startling scream my Mother, who never drove fast but on this occasion was doing over 70 mph, looked in the rear view mirrow for the first time and after seeing my predictament, slammed on the breaks. I remember guite vividly my Dad's whole body followed by his red covered head slamming into the dash board. I won't repeat his discriptive words at this time. My Mom flung open the door, saw my bleeding hand, grabbed the wet towel from my father and started to put it on my deformed hand. Right away she noticed my father's further gushing of red and total look of suprise she had done this and immediately returned the rag to his his head again with a little more force in her excited state than needed. I held onto my hand, my father holding onto his head for the little more than 5 minutes needed to get to the hospital as I noticed my father looking back at me and trying to muffle a smile as he was appreciating the situation with both he and I injured and Mom all "out of control." When we got the emergency room, my Mom, showing more strength than Dad or I ever knew she had, grabbed both of us, and dragged us very fast into the emergency room. With both of us her clutches, one on each side of her, she barreled into the hospital, yelled for help, saw an open room and without asking any hospital stall, literally tossed me into that room. She then dragged Dad off to another room right across the hall and threw Dad on the table there. Right away nurses and a doctor were tending Dad and I but we both observed Mom as she sat down in a chair and almost immediatel placed her head between her knees and fainted. Dad and I both first pointed to her for the nurses to attend and then looking at each other, pain and all, started laughing uncontrollably. Thank you for letting me share this very true story with you.

Submitted on 08/25/2002

Submitted by: JR Gallaugher
Reference:

Copyright © 2002 DarwinAwards.com

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>> Moderator Scores <<

John said:
Neutral: Urban Legend
beautifully told

Gregory said:
Neutral: Personal Account
A few paragraph breaks would help. A valiant effort, but really the only stupid action was hitting the closeline with the axe: the rest were related to people coping as best as possible with an emergency. Still a good read, must have been a day to remember.

Glen said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Thank you for sharing this humerous story, lets see Hon mentions to your dad for the axe and clothersline, congratulations to your mum who really did a stirling jobn under pressure although she may also be deserving of an Hon mentions for the braking and further injury of father whilst freeing your trapped hand. all in all an amusing and well written story but some paragraphs would have been usefull and highlighted the appropriate dramatic areas.

Bert said:
Neutral: No Self-Selection
Whoo. I don't think it's a Darwin, but it's inteesting reading-

Charles said:
Definitely Toss: Lacks Excellence
Definitely an amusing story... but it all looks like a chain of accidents to me.

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