Freeze Your Butt Off 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
Late winter 2001, we were out on a little oilfield service project in the middle of the West Siberian (frozen) marshlands. The place is located between Khanty-Manciysk and Nyagan, for those of you who've got precise maps. Anyway, things were going a bit slow, and the crew was mostly just hanging around, getting wasted on cheap vodka most of the time. A few people had to stay sober, however, among which Max the driver, who was making the daily trip to town to get supplies.
As he was spending most of his time in his van, he had improved the comfort level of it, adding, among others, a nice and powerful seat-heater.
One day, having sat in his van for an hour or so, with the heat going full blast, he was starting to get a bit hot and sweaty. He thought the cool (-25 degC !)outside air might help him, so he stepped out of the vehicle, and sat down on a (metal) tool box lying on the ground. Well, the sweat of his butt end instantly froze, pinning our friend to the cold metal. By the time we got him off of it, he was seriously hurt, and had to be taken to the hospital in a hurry. He got two chunks of his butt removed, and had to stay in the hospital for a week. He couldn't sit for about two more weeks. That story kept the rest of us happily entertained for the rest of the hitch, with a whole bunch of not-so-subtle jokes and puns. Then again, what do you expect, buddy actually froze his ass off...
Not a lethal one, but nice try anyway. Had he stayed pinned to the box a little longer, we might have had a chance of avoiding his genes being passed on to future generations. A few more minutes, and he might at least have frozen his nuts off, too.Submitted on 07/30/2002
Submitted by:
Anonymous
Reference:
First-hand true story, Mar '01
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