Darwin Awards: 2002 July Slush Pile

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Darwin Awards
2002 Slush Pile

This item was recently submitted by a reader.
Should I include it in the archive?
Vote to tell me what *you* think!

Pilot Error

2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance

Back a few years ago I was working for an Air Force contractor that manufactured combat aircraft for the US Airforce and many of it's allies. As part of my job I sometimes received flight reports or accident reports for aircraft 'failures'. The aircraft I was involved with at the time was the F-16 Fighting Falcon. Because of the awesome performance of this aircraft, the pilot's seat is tilted back about 30 degrees. This allows the pilot to remain conscious during those 9+ G turns. For extended missions, though, this position makes it awkward for the pilot to relieve himself. A pilot in a combat aircraft doesn't have access to the same facilities you might find on, say, a 747. To relieve himself, he has to urinate into a tube attached to a bag that is attached to his leg. Try this in a seat tilted back 30 degrees and you'll see where this story is going. We received several reports of F-16s crashing with no apparent aircraft failure. In addition, the pilot was disconnected from his 'seat belt' webbing. The truth finally came out when one of these occurrences ended with the pilot managing to survive. You see, the pilots in question were removing their webbing to allow them to sit-up in their seat to relieve themselves. The problem? The F-16 has a very sensitive joystick on the right side of the cockpit that controls the aircraft movements. The webbing would get caught up in the joystick while the pilot was relieving himself, and the aircraft would start doing all kinds of wild gyrations. All of this while the pilot was trying to get his other 'joystick' back in his pants. To make matters worse, he's no longer strapped into his seat, so he's bouncing around the cockpit like a frog in a blender. Can't blame the pilots too much, when you gotta go, you gotta go!

Submitted on 07/23/2002

Submitted by: Greg Higgins
Reference: Air Force Accident Reports

Copyright © 2002 DarwinAwards.com

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>> Moderator Scores <<

Emily said:
Neutral: Darwin Award


Duncan said:
Neutral: Other
Unsure if a high performance fighter could actually be this poorly designed.


Larry said:
Definitely Keep: Personal Account
Jet pilots are quintessential "ought to know better" people.


Charles said:
Maybe Toss: Lacks Excellence
Ummm... Well, yeah, I see that the relief mechanism would cause the deaths. But damnit, that strikes me as a design flaw rather than stupidity... and if it is stupidity, it is on the part of the relief system designer, no?


Bert said:
Neutral: Personal Account
Interesting, but is it a DA?


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