ultiple offenders 
2003 Reader Submission
Pending Acceptance
This is the story of a friendship that unfortunately puts me in the running for a Darwin award as well for being involved in all 3 plots.
About 9 years ago I was living next to a guy who became a pretty close friend, we both had an interest in DIY and fancied ourselves to be pretty good at it. The first incident occured when a nest of baby birds in my ceiling space started to drive me around the bend, being arachnophobic my neighbour decided to remove the noisy pests for me. Mission accomplished he was climbing back down through the manhole when the ceiling collapsed and he landed on the sink below......crushing his organs so effectively that he could only wear track pants for 2 weeks. The housing department repairman refused to believe my story of how the incident occured avidly by waving around a piece of wood 10cm square, that had snapped off on both ends, and saying the only thing that could have done it would be storing extremely heavy boxes of books or something similar up there.......until he saw my neighbour who weighed in at 124kg.
The second incident was after a particularly nasty argument with my girlfriend who lived across the road, my friend and me were inside my house when we heard a loud thump at the front door, going over to look out he laughed and said, "I don't know what she just threw but now she's throwing meat!"
He then opened the door and yelled, "Incoming!!!", as she knocked him unconcious with a FROZEN pack of chops.
The third and most spectacular incident almost removed the both of us from the gene pool, we were patching together an old stereo system when we came up with the idea of installing extra leds to turn it into something a little more 'cool'. Being a very large old model there was a way to access the inside of it by sticking your head in the cabinet below to see the 'guts' of it. Equipped with a soldering iron I began patching wires to the existing leds while my friend held a torch inside the cabinet. Eager to see how it was looking when I had finished he got his head inside as well, with the torch propped against the back of the cabinet, only to find out that the main power was still on when his face touched a live part of the board. The shock drove his head into my face causing me to drop the soldering iron which I was holding outside above my groin. It made quick work of the shorts I had on and the ferocious struggle by the both of us to get out toppled the case smashing the entire unit. He suffered some burns to his face and was very sick after his shocking experience, while I was in considerably more pain and unable to perform any acts of procreation for nearly a month as I healed.
What I learned from the experience? 2 heads are not neccesarily better than 1, especially when the other head is thinking on the same level as yourself :) Submitted on 07/17/2002
Submitted by:
Tom Triffitt
Reference:
17 July 2002
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